When I look beyond the surface...

This morning something happened and I cried my head off, cried so much it was exhausting, my shoulders actually felt tired and I lay in bed so long listening to Taylor Swift. This is more than just about me and Sam. This is more than just me and my rents. (codename for two people just add "pa" to the front) It's a spiritual battle.

How do I know it was a spiritual battle? Because when I was so down, I felt like I didn't have the strength to open up the Bible, I felt like I didn't care about being a pastor anymore I just wanted to die and forget about this stupid world. I didn't care if I lied anymore, I just wanted to feel better.

I texted a bunch of people for prayers, and I'm pretty sure I sounded so depressed, crazy and angry. I probably sounded like someone ranting inside a jail cell. Anyway, at least I got people to pray for me and now I feel better. Especially after DA gave me a text message back telling me some good encouragements.

She recommended that I read up or listen to Joyce Meyer, who is a Christian lady who went thru sexual abuse and divorce. Now she is a well known speaker for women and reaches millions of people. She grew a lot out of it. In my text I said I wasn't growing, it was just unnecessary suffering but after crying it all out and seeing DA's text, I feel like she is right.

I feel that I CAN grow more mature out of this, I just can't see it happening right now. And DA also encouraged me with the fact that the devil tries to take down those who are serving God the most. Those who are trying to wreck Satan's plan.

Excuse my language but I feel like telling Satan to fuck off. I don't know if it's a sin in itself to say that but it's kind of like Jesus saying "Get behind me, Satan!" but in a modern day language hahaha.

Anyway, seeing the bigger picture helps me. I know now that I am not fighting against my rents. Satan is just trying to use my rents bad moods/words to hurt me and make me not wanna serve God anymore. I need to look on the positive side and keep pressing on. Keep reading the Bible to see the greater picture beyond what is visible to our physical eyes.

Ephesians 6

The Armor of God

¹⁰Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. ¹²For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. ¹⁸And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

¹⁹Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, ²⁰for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.