LOVE OF MY LIFE (THE WEDDING SONG)
words by Darla Day, music by Mark Phillips
duet sung by Darla and Chad Day
I love you, the love of my life
I need you, our love is right
I've found the one that my soul loves
No other love means so much
I prayed to my God for a heart to keep
He gave me the one, He knew my needs
Over and over this love is sweet
I recognize the joy that makes our love complete
God gave you to me
You're the one I prayed for long ago
Fearless trust I never thought I'd know
I've found the answer to my dreams
My eyes were opened to love's mystery
I prayed to my God for a heart to keep
He gave me the one, He knew my needs
Over and over this love is sweet
I recognize the joy that makes our love complete
God gave you to me
The love of my life...
I love you, the love of my life
I need you, our love is right
I've found the one that my soul loves
No other heart gives so much
God gave you to me
You're the one I love
You are the love of my life
©2001 Darla Day / BMI /
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Saying No is so hard
Pastor Lee wanted me to teach Sunday school from March to May for preteens and because of that I quit from volunteering for TC (teens conference) Coach. now I'm wondering if I did the right thing. After all, I did have a dream about volunteering for TC coach and at first I thought it was God telling me to volunteer. But because of the Sunday school thing I got scared and chickened out and decided not to volunteer.
Part of me thinks it's ok because I need to be careful of my health and not spreading myself too thin. But part of me wonders if I made a big mistake, if I was actually supposed to volunteer. I feel really bad because maybe some teens thought I was going to be their coach but now I have disappointed them.
Saying no is hard. It makes me feel guilty or confused. I wish I didn't have to teach Sunday school but no one else was available to do it. Now I have to miss English service to teach Sunday school and I'm planning to go to the Korean church for afternoon worship to supplement that.
I have two essays due but I'm still tutoring Peggy tomorrow at 3pm. I put her as a priority over my essays. It's hard to say no. I feel like I owe other people my help. That's how I feel. I feel like without me things might go wrong. That's really what my underlying belief is, I guess. Not trying to be prideful but it's just how my heart feels. I feel like I have to be there for everyone.
I feel really bad about saying that I will coach and then dropping out. I did it out of fear. I guess maybe I should have prayed more about it and asked God more before I quit but I was just really scared. My health was a major thing in my mind when I quit. I felt I had to save myself from stress.
At the same time, what's done is done and I can't reverse it anymore. Maybe later I will figure out that it was the right decision. Maybe not. But God is bigger than any problem and I'm sure He can provide another coach for the teens. But I still feel really bad.
Before, I was fearing that the stress would cause me to relapse bipolar. Now, I am afraid because I am afraid what if I was supposed to volunteer but I didn't so it would be going against God. But why is this fear paralyzing me? Shouldn't I be free in Christ? The Bible says that those who fear are not made perfect in Love. Maybe this means that I don't truly understand God's love for me? Cuz if I did, then I wouldn't be fearing now, would I?
Even knowing that God loves me no matter what, for some reason I am still paralyzed with fear right now and I keep on thinking "what if" i didn't say no, what if i could have volunteered at Teens Conference... my mind and heart is stuck! I'm currently wasting time that I could be working on my essay on thinking about this. I know I can only focus on so much at a time...
As I think more about this, I think about how Satan is the accuser. God isn't a type of God who would blame me for quitting TC coach. Even if He wanted me to do it originally I think He would forgive me if I quit. But Satan is the one who likes to blame, accuse, and make me fear. I guess I need to remember that In Christ I am free and I don't need to be tied up to anything.
Part of me thinks it's ok because I need to be careful of my health and not spreading myself too thin. But part of me wonders if I made a big mistake, if I was actually supposed to volunteer. I feel really bad because maybe some teens thought I was going to be their coach but now I have disappointed them.
Saying no is hard. It makes me feel guilty or confused. I wish I didn't have to teach Sunday school but no one else was available to do it. Now I have to miss English service to teach Sunday school and I'm planning to go to the Korean church for afternoon worship to supplement that.
I have two essays due but I'm still tutoring Peggy tomorrow at 3pm. I put her as a priority over my essays. It's hard to say no. I feel like I owe other people my help. That's how I feel. I feel like without me things might go wrong. That's really what my underlying belief is, I guess. Not trying to be prideful but it's just how my heart feels. I feel like I have to be there for everyone.
I feel really bad about saying that I will coach and then dropping out. I did it out of fear. I guess maybe I should have prayed more about it and asked God more before I quit but I was just really scared. My health was a major thing in my mind when I quit. I felt I had to save myself from stress.
At the same time, what's done is done and I can't reverse it anymore. Maybe later I will figure out that it was the right decision. Maybe not. But God is bigger than any problem and I'm sure He can provide another coach for the teens. But I still feel really bad.
Before, I was fearing that the stress would cause me to relapse bipolar. Now, I am afraid because I am afraid what if I was supposed to volunteer but I didn't so it would be going against God. But why is this fear paralyzing me? Shouldn't I be free in Christ? The Bible says that those who fear are not made perfect in Love. Maybe this means that I don't truly understand God's love for me? Cuz if I did, then I wouldn't be fearing now, would I?
Even knowing that God loves me no matter what, for some reason I am still paralyzed with fear right now and I keep on thinking "what if" i didn't say no, what if i could have volunteered at Teens Conference... my mind and heart is stuck! I'm currently wasting time that I could be working on my essay on thinking about this. I know I can only focus on so much at a time...
As I think more about this, I think about how Satan is the accuser. God isn't a type of God who would blame me for quitting TC coach. Even if He wanted me to do it originally I think He would forgive me if I quit. But Satan is the one who likes to blame, accuse, and make me fear. I guess I need to remember that In Christ I am free and I don't need to be tied up to anything.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Dear Person,
Talking to Aaron about this topic has been a bit of a reality check. I like you but I can't tell you. It's too early. And I don't know if it's God's will, because you don't even know what is God's will for your life direction yet anyways. I like a lot of things about you but I'm just starting to get to know you so I'll just be patient and not say anything. :) in the meantime, it's been great getting to know you and I hope we stay friends.
Martine
Talking to Aaron about this topic has been a bit of a reality check. I like you but I can't tell you. It's too early. And I don't know if it's God's will, because you don't even know what is God's will for your life direction yet anyways. I like a lot of things about you but I'm just starting to get to know you so I'll just be patient and not say anything. :) in the meantime, it's been great getting to know you and I hope we stay friends.
Martine
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Imagine...
Imagine loving God so much that you don't even care what people think...
You just wanna praise Him, shout on the corner of the street to sing his praise...
Imagine being in front of the throne of God...
His love enveloping you like a wind...
caught up in his grace...
I'm praying for God's direction, particularly on...
-publishing of Christian Fellowship Handbook
-my service as a Teens conference coach
-my future husband, if there is one. And my engagement with Jesus.
You just wanna praise Him, shout on the corner of the street to sing his praise...
Imagine being in front of the throne of God...
His love enveloping you like a wind...
caught up in his grace...
I'm praying for God's direction, particularly on...
-publishing of Christian Fellowship Handbook
-my service as a Teens conference coach
-my future husband, if there is one. And my engagement with Jesus.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
My day.
Looks like posting twice a day has become a habit for me. Since I have less sleep and more time on my hands, I naturally love to write. My hobbies include writing, singing, dancing, and playing guitar. It's a shame that I barely spend time with hobbies these days.
Today after service we had a Children's volunteer meeting, which was great. Then afterwards I got driven to Fairview Mall (yay!) and there I walked around the mall in bare socks because my boots were killing me. (not the nail boots, the high heel boots that I stupidly chose to wear even with the two blisters)
I went into around 3 to 4 boot stores before I went to Browns (never in my life would i have imagined I would consider boots over 100 dollars!!!) And a little voice told me "try this boot" which was waterproof and looked pretty nice. It was 175 dollars but thank God Arabic Church had given me a gift card for Fairview Mall so with tax after the gift card I had to pay around 140 dollars... with boot spray and boot scrubber included.
HOPEFULLY these boots will last me a long time but I will trust the little voice, which I think was the Holy Spirit. :)
On another note, Whitney Houston passed away yesterday. I don't know her personally but I love her songs. (well i guess its obvious that i dont know her personally)
My favourite song of hers is probably "greatest love of all" except that it is theologically incorrect. The greatest love of all is NOT the love for oneself as she says, but the greatest love of all is God's love :) so if i perform that song one day I will have to change that part of the lyrics.
I'm looking forward to the Valentines friends dance party at church next Sunday. I'm thinking of getting a pedicure (for the first time!!) this Sat. to prepare for the dance... and I'm gonna have to decide whether or not to wear my Montreal dress or the black dress I wore for grad awards ceremony. :) hehe
Hopefully Thuy can come :) btw Thuy it's Sun. Feb. 19th (coincidentally on Andrew's birthday, haha screw him) at church (201 Tempo Ave.) at 6pm. But come at like 5pm if you can and we can hang out more! Yeah Thuy I know ur reading this :D I LOVE THUY! hehe yayyyyy and im gonna curl my hair if i have enough time :) yayyyyyy
Today after service we had a Children's volunteer meeting, which was great. Then afterwards I got driven to Fairview Mall (yay!) and there I walked around the mall in bare socks because my boots were killing me. (not the nail boots, the high heel boots that I stupidly chose to wear even with the two blisters)
I went into around 3 to 4 boot stores before I went to Browns (never in my life would i have imagined I would consider boots over 100 dollars!!!) And a little voice told me "try this boot" which was waterproof and looked pretty nice. It was 175 dollars but thank God Arabic Church had given me a gift card for Fairview Mall so with tax after the gift card I had to pay around 140 dollars... with boot spray and boot scrubber included.
HOPEFULLY these boots will last me a long time but I will trust the little voice, which I think was the Holy Spirit. :)
On another note, Whitney Houston passed away yesterday. I don't know her personally but I love her songs. (well i guess its obvious that i dont know her personally)
My favourite song of hers is probably "greatest love of all" except that it is theologically incorrect. The greatest love of all is NOT the love for oneself as she says, but the greatest love of all is God's love :) so if i perform that song one day I will have to change that part of the lyrics.
I'm looking forward to the Valentines friends dance party at church next Sunday. I'm thinking of getting a pedicure (for the first time!!) this Sat. to prepare for the dance... and I'm gonna have to decide whether or not to wear my Montreal dress or the black dress I wore for grad awards ceremony. :) hehe
Hopefully Thuy can come :) btw Thuy it's Sun. Feb. 19th (coincidentally on Andrew's birthday, haha screw him) at church (201 Tempo Ave.) at 6pm. But come at like 5pm if you can and we can hang out more! Yeah Thuy I know ur reading this :D I LOVE THUY! hehe yayyyyy and im gonna curl my hair if i have enough time :) yayyyyyy
Feeling great.
Hey guys I'm doing great right now, had a good night's sleep last night although it was still less than 8 hours I think. in any case i'm doing well, pumped for God and serving at church. I've never been so pumped in my life!!! :D Don't worry i've been taking 10 mg of bipolar medication per night nowadays to control my thoughts. (otherwise if i didn't do that I would go manic, i swear)
The kids had SO much fun and me too, yesterday. we did Bible detective treasure hunt, had candy, and did a few crazy science experiments which included shaking a pepsi bottle very hard and opening the cap to spray out everywhere! HAHA
I think this has been the best week i've had in a long time because I had gotten more readings done, more ministry stuff done efficiently, and i can see God's grace in many ways including all the people who care for me and all the people I am caring for.
Thank God for his providence and grace!!!!
For example, yesterday morning i was carrying a whole ton of heavy stuff and i was supposed to bus to church but i texted Josh Mok and asked him to come drive me to church and he did! how nice of him! I'm growing to like him more and more as a person. Cool friend and cool brother!
God is GOOD!!!! GOD IS MY NUMBER ONE!!! And Jesus is my valentine! and although i lost my Jesus engagement ring, it don't mean that I am not engaged to Him! Imma get another ring or something, but even then, it is just a symbol of the engagement ring I have around my HEART!!!!
YEAH!!!!
The kids had SO much fun and me too, yesterday. we did Bible detective treasure hunt, had candy, and did a few crazy science experiments which included shaking a pepsi bottle very hard and opening the cap to spray out everywhere! HAHA
I think this has been the best week i've had in a long time because I had gotten more readings done, more ministry stuff done efficiently, and i can see God's grace in many ways including all the people who care for me and all the people I am caring for.
Thank God for his providence and grace!!!!
For example, yesterday morning i was carrying a whole ton of heavy stuff and i was supposed to bus to church but i texted Josh Mok and asked him to come drive me to church and he did! how nice of him! I'm growing to like him more and more as a person. Cool friend and cool brother!
God is GOOD!!!! GOD IS MY NUMBER ONE!!! And Jesus is my valentine! and although i lost my Jesus engagement ring, it don't mean that I am not engaged to Him! Imma get another ring or something, but even then, it is just a symbol of the engagement ring I have around my HEART!!!!
YEAH!!!!
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Thorns on my foot. :( ughhhhhhh
2 Corinthians 12:7b-10
Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
----
This Bible passage talks about some kind of thing that was bothering and paining Paul. we do not know what this "thorn" is but I guess it was intentionally vague so that we could all relate to it, whether this thorn is a demon bothering you or whether this thorn is a physical ailment or other struggle.
Right now I have two thorns on my foot. My right foot to be exact. My right boot that i bought for forty dollars started to have a hole inside the right heel area. (i accidentally typed "hell area" lol) And the hole revealed a Nail-like thing that dug into my right foot.
Gross huh? Well guess what, stupid me thought I could withstand this boot. I thought I could just shuffle my feet instead of putting weight on my heel. But guess what now I have a blister on both my right hell and my right ball of the foot. I can't even tip toe because it hurts like that.
So Satan is giving me right now a "thorn" on my foot (instead of side, like Paul) and i gotta say that God's grace is enough. I prayed for the blisters to go away but it aint working so maybe I should pray three times like Paul then give up??? well maybe thats not the point of the lesson but yeah i need to get a cushioned shoe or something. UGHHHH or a WHEEL CHAIR!!!!!
Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
----
This Bible passage talks about some kind of thing that was bothering and paining Paul. we do not know what this "thorn" is but I guess it was intentionally vague so that we could all relate to it, whether this thorn is a demon bothering you or whether this thorn is a physical ailment or other struggle.
Right now I have two thorns on my foot. My right foot to be exact. My right boot that i bought for forty dollars started to have a hole inside the right heel area. (i accidentally typed "hell area" lol) And the hole revealed a Nail-like thing that dug into my right foot.
Gross huh? Well guess what, stupid me thought I could withstand this boot. I thought I could just shuffle my feet instead of putting weight on my heel. But guess what now I have a blister on both my right hell and my right ball of the foot. I can't even tip toe because it hurts like that.
So Satan is giving me right now a "thorn" on my foot (instead of side, like Paul) and i gotta say that God's grace is enough. I prayed for the blisters to go away but it aint working so maybe I should pray three times like Paul then give up??? well maybe thats not the point of the lesson but yeah i need to get a cushioned shoe or something. UGHHHH or a WHEEL CHAIR!!!!!
2 hours of sleep.
Hey guys, so i got two hours of sleep tonight. Man that felt short. I am very content right now and tired but another french vanilla at lunch will wake me up... ugh dont wanna get addicted though.
Yesterday at 3am I was still awake (in fact I was still awake until 5am) my mom told me to take another dose of bipolar medicine. I know im technically not supposed to increase my dose without my doctor's permission but i just obeyed her because its true that im going worse right now.
I'm surviving and doing well, don't worry, it's just the symptoms of bipolar are starting to affect me again. Sleepless nights with endless thinking and excitement. In some ways I enjoy having bipolar because of the happy states but its the depressions that i do not like.
Thank God that there were people praying for me. Thanks for caring guys. God bless.
Yesterday at 3am I was still awake (in fact I was still awake until 5am) my mom told me to take another dose of bipolar medicine. I know im technically not supposed to increase my dose without my doctor's permission but i just obeyed her because its true that im going worse right now.
I'm surviving and doing well, don't worry, it's just the symptoms of bipolar are starting to affect me again. Sleepless nights with endless thinking and excitement. In some ways I enjoy having bipolar because of the happy states but its the depressions that i do not like.
Thank God that there were people praying for me. Thanks for caring guys. God bless.
Another sleepless (or little sleep? maybe?) night.
It is almost 5am right now and i didnt sleep. Maybe partially because I drank a medium french vanilla at dinner time and playing with the kids at church made me hyper but i think actually its my bipolar disorder acting up.
At dinner I felt like crying for a little bit and cried a little thinking about how i miss my old church. But i quickly prayed about it and the feeling was gone. Thank God i didnt delve into depression like it normally would have for bipolar.
I must be careful. I am going to see the doctor on Monday to ask a few things, hopefully my health can be better so i can serve God and read more bible and do school more effectively.
Thank God that i have many friends who care and pray for me. The prayers definitely help. :) thanks guys.
At dinner I felt like crying for a little bit and cried a little thinking about how i miss my old church. But i quickly prayed about it and the feeling was gone. Thank God i didnt delve into depression like it normally would have for bipolar.
I must be careful. I am going to see the doctor on Monday to ask a few things, hopefully my health can be better so i can serve God and read more bible and do school more effectively.
Thank God that i have many friends who care and pray for me. The prayers definitely help. :) thanks guys.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Jesus is my beauty mark
LYRICS:
What do you see when you look at me?
Ten dollar words and philosophies
How would you choose to define me
Cares for others or just cares what others think?
But there is more to me than just what meets the eye
It's time to be the change inside
I wanna' look like love
I wanna' look like, live like faith
I wanna' live this life in me showing my face
I wanna' look like hope
I wanna' look like, live like grace
And I know just where to start
I'll let you be my beauty mark
Looking the part just to play the game
Putting up a face that looks the same
They're just rockstars making a name
So shut your part it is a crying shame
But I'll put the finger on nobody else but me (Nobody else but me)
It's time to be the dreams we need
Not stopping Love and joy,
Peace and kindness
Gentleness and self control
Nothing, nothing is more beautiful
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeahey
I wanna' look like love
I wanna' look like, live like faith
I wanna' live this life in me showing my face
I wanna' look like hope
I wanna' look like, live like grace
And I know just where to start
I'll let you be my beauty mark
I'm gona' let you be my beauty mark
Yeah, yeah, oh, oh
I wanna' look like hope (look like hope)
I wanna' look like, live like grace
And I know just where to start
I'll let you be my beauty mark
I'll let you be my beauty mark
Hyperactively excited
It's 4:29am right now. I am excited, hyper, thinking a lot, happy, and feeling like the most productive person in the world (ok maybe not but i feel pretty productive). It's another one of those hyperactive sleepless nights. Tomorrow I will run on no sleep with tons of energy, and it may last for another day or two before I crash and start going into depression (pray that it won't be that bad). What I'm going through right now is a very mild form of hypomania.
On the bright side, hypomania makes me happy. It makes me productive. I've already filled out all my health forms for the Montreal missions trip I will be going on. I've read a chapter in "When a Woman Meets Jesus" (great book by the way, all you girls should get a copy!), listened to like 3 albums worth of songs (Addison Road, the Afters, forgot what else), emailed Josh Mok about lifegroups next term, and did some mental planning for children's ministry.
I go through cycles in my bipolar life. Some weeks I want to just sleep and wish the world was over. Other times I'm very productive and happy. Other times I am sad and overwhelmed. It happens over and over again in a cycle.
Don't worry, im taking my medicine. It's just that medicine can't cure my disorder, it can only alleviate it. :P But yeah that's my sharing for tonight. I'm going to go do some work now, gotta contact some Quebec people about missions :D
On the bright side, hypomania makes me happy. It makes me productive. I've already filled out all my health forms for the Montreal missions trip I will be going on. I've read a chapter in "When a Woman Meets Jesus" (great book by the way, all you girls should get a copy!), listened to like 3 albums worth of songs (Addison Road, the Afters, forgot what else), emailed Josh Mok about lifegroups next term, and did some mental planning for children's ministry.
I go through cycles in my bipolar life. Some weeks I want to just sleep and wish the world was over. Other times I'm very productive and happy. Other times I am sad and overwhelmed. It happens over and over again in a cycle.
Don't worry, im taking my medicine. It's just that medicine can't cure my disorder, it can only alleviate it. :P But yeah that's my sharing for tonight. I'm going to go do some work now, gotta contact some Quebec people about missions :D
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Out with the new, in with the old
I recently realized that I don't like the me that I am becoming. I want the "old me" back. No, I am not talking about the old sinful me. I am talking about the bright, laughing, joyful, happy, generous, outgoing me that I used to be. Somewhere down this road of ministry overload, health problems, and whatnot, my attitude has changed to a grumpy, antisocial, numb individual and I do not like that. So let me compare the old me to the new me and please pray with me that I will go back to the good old me.
New me:
-antisocial, avoiding conversations with people
-all I want to do is sleep
-ministry has become a chore, no passion
-devos have become a chore
-prayers have become short
-facebook has become a time waster
-doesn't laugh at other peoples' jokes
-anxious, doesn't pay as much attention to people's sharing time
-dreads having to hear from friends' problems
Old me:
-outgoing, initiates conversations with people
-all I want to do is serve God
-ministry is a joy, a way to learn and enjoy myself
-devos are awesome, intimate times with God
-prayers are heartfelt, down on the knees
-facebook is a tool to evangelize and witness
-laughs at others jokes and my own jokes
-pays deep attention to others and cares deeply
Today is the start of the Old me. Well, the NEW OLD me. I want to become a better follower of christ and be a light to others. I will value my seminary education and read as much as I can. God please be with me as I journey once again through the valley and please help me to serve you wholeheartedly, with all my mind, soul, strength, and heart. God please also allow me times of rest and renewal. True rest, rest that is not just sleep and trying to wait around in dreamland but sleep that is for a purpose which is to regain energy in order to be your child and servant.
Please God please help me to find the perfect balance just like Jesus. Help me to pray passionate prayers and listen well and be a good role model. Please change me once again! I want to be revived! I want to be renewed for You!!! Thank you God and please forgive me of my sins! Change my attitude! Help me to seek your kingdom and your righteousness!!! Thanks and praise be to your name!!!
AMEN!!!
New me:
-antisocial, avoiding conversations with people
-all I want to do is sleep
-ministry has become a chore, no passion
-devos have become a chore
-prayers have become short
-facebook has become a time waster
-doesn't laugh at other peoples' jokes
-anxious, doesn't pay as much attention to people's sharing time
-dreads having to hear from friends' problems
Old me:
-outgoing, initiates conversations with people
-all I want to do is serve God
-ministry is a joy, a way to learn and enjoy myself
-devos are awesome, intimate times with God
-prayers are heartfelt, down on the knees
-facebook is a tool to evangelize and witness
-laughs at others jokes and my own jokes
-pays deep attention to others and cares deeply
Today is the start of the Old me. Well, the NEW OLD me. I want to become a better follower of christ and be a light to others. I will value my seminary education and read as much as I can. God please be with me as I journey once again through the valley and please help me to serve you wholeheartedly, with all my mind, soul, strength, and heart. God please also allow me times of rest and renewal. True rest, rest that is not just sleep and trying to wait around in dreamland but sleep that is for a purpose which is to regain energy in order to be your child and servant.
Please God please help me to find the perfect balance just like Jesus. Help me to pray passionate prayers and listen well and be a good role model. Please change me once again! I want to be revived! I want to be renewed for You!!! Thank you God and please forgive me of my sins! Change my attitude! Help me to seek your kingdom and your righteousness!!! Thanks and praise be to your name!!!
AMEN!!!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
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