The Missionary Soul Mate

Simultaneous Waiting and Preparation

Nairy Ohanian

One missionary’s views on being single and listening to God’s calling to serve.
The interview results are numerous: countless, dedicated Christians who consider themselves to be passionate world Christians, never end up in missionary service.
They have every opportunity, gifting, skill set, resource, encouragement, even completed training for the field, yet they never enter service. Instead, what they do enter is a relationship with another godly man or woman who does not have that same commitment to cross cultural service as they do. Sometimes the decision to not further pursue missionary service is direct and obvious and sometimes the decision is gradual and subtle, but either way a once fervent potential missionary never leaves home, but rather sets up home with a less-than-enthusiastic, non-missions spouse.
As single men and women, many of us long for discovery of a life partner to share in marriage and family life. The difficulty of the search can lead to compromise of some of our intended goals, dreams and callings. We begin to negotiate what are essential requirements and needs and what are “nice but not necessary” elements in our future mate’s “portfolio of potential.”
This can truly be an excruciating process and one in which eager prayer and pursuit of Christ is absolutely necessary. Unfortunately, all too often, the desire and even actual calling for cross cultural, missionary service is demoted to the “nice but not necessary” pile. Rationalizations arise, “We will serve Christ in our local church,” “There are endless opportunities in our home culture,” “Over time, he/she, will share my passion for missions,” and “We just need more time.”
Similar to the Christian commitment to avoid serious involvement in romantic relationships with non-professing Christians, so must our commitment level rise to avoid serious relationships with non-missionary-minded partners. God is neither pleased nor honored when we compromise or surrender our callings for Him and His service. Marriage is also a calling. But at times God wants us to wait or surrender as He fulfills His will in other life areas already made clear, such as missionary service.
As always, our dating standards and possible mate selection needs to be considered strategically, prayerfully and thoughtfully. It is always tricky to decide standards after entering a serious relationship. Conviction always precedes crisis. Our convictions of dating and marriage truth must come before the “mate crisis” of determining if this wonderful person is The One. We need to know now – even before we meet someone – the qualities we are seeking, and our non-negotiable criteria.
We can use several helpful, practical signs of observation and reflection, upon meeting a possible missionary mate. Below are some missionary-ready qualities and characteristics to look for in a dating partner:

• Dedication to, love and serious understanding of the Word of God

• Listening and responding well to the Spirit in personal and ministry issues
• Love for the Church, involvement in community, and service in local church.
• Mature understanding and practice of evangelism
• Enjoys and values people; serves and honors others above themselves.
• Establishes goals and perseveres to reach them; words and actions match up
• Deep value in practice of prayer
• Communicates well, unafraid of tough discussion, confrontation, or conflict
• Spirit of boldness, potential risk-taker; appreciation for adventure and new things
• Dissatisfied by the Status Quo; desire to live “outside the lines”

The following are further practical and daily aspects to watch for and ask about in a potential missionary mate:

• Friends: are they missions minded? What do they discuss and do?
• Missionaries: does he/she pray for any? Have missionary friends?

• Finances: does he/she tithe, give to others generously?

• Lifestyle choices: materialism and comfort
• Travels: is there an interest in other cultures both locally and abroad?
• Missions trip: has he/she gone on one? Would he/she be willing to join you on one?
• Non-Christian friends: does he/she have any? Care for community, colleagues?
• Adventure: do you go on creative dates or are you resorting to same places and activities?
• Time: do you reach out to others together or only spend exclusive time as a couple?
• Development: what are his/her church involvements? Are spiritual gifts enhancing?

Both of these lists are merely some of the possible characteristics of a person or practical indicators for a missionary mate. Upon reading these lists, one must prayerfully and reflectively create their own “must have” list for a missionary mate and a list of “practical signposts.”
Finally, as we observe and search for these qualities and traits in a dating mate, are we developing these same areas in our own lives? Hopefully a fine future missionary is out searching for someone like us who is developing these very attitudes and behaviors as well.
May this generation of missionaries cling tightly to their missions call and choose well that right missionary mate to marry!

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Nairy Ohanian is former InterVarsity - IFES staff and single missionary still serving and waiting for that true missionary soul mate.

I am an ugly, sinful, messy person in my selfish heart.

Sometimes love means letting go...

Song lyrics I found

Song lyrics: For good

 I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
...

To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew youI have been changed for good
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made from what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

I feel better now.

I am sad, very very sad

Long distance relationship

Today is one of those days I wish I could spend with Tommy face to face.  It's been a few hours that I've been waiting for him on skype now... I miss him so much, it's hard to study.  I don't even know what he is doing right now, he is not replying my texts.  He said he is going out for a moment, and a moment turned into hours.  I am trying to be patient...

I'm not afraid to show my weaknesses and neither should you. God works through broken not perfect people.

-Janice Le (inspirational blogger/facebooker)

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Yesterday I was disappointed because of two things which I rather not explain.  But I cried about it even though I told  myself not to, because I am very weak and sensitive.

People tell me that a pastor needs to be strong and not cry in front of others but you know what I think there is authenticity and transparency when a leader shows weakness.

I really hope I can use my hard times to make me stronger but at the same time, if I feel weak that is just so much better in a way because then God's strength in me will come through.

Never Alone

As a believer, it is better to see oneself as a small part of the whole then to see self as set apart in calling. It is more fruitful to be one of many than to determine to be unique in prominence before others. Bitterness and disappointment awaits the believer who majors on their own destiny instead of focusing on steadfastness in small things and rejoicing in the destiny of the whole. It is better to live before the eyes of Jesus, where our uniqueness is seen and then just blend in with the whole in the eyes of the brethren. Beautiful is the body of Christ.

 Misty Edwards

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Montreal, you are on my heart...

Lately I've been thinking and praying a lot about Montreal.  And no, it doesn't necessarily have to do with Tommy.  Tommy is there, yes, but I'm praying for a revival in Montreal where people come to Christ and are healed from their past wounds and experience the love of God.


Light of the world (aka Here I am to worship)

From wikipedia

Tentmaking, in general, refers to the activities of any Christian who, while functioning as a minister, receives little or no pay for his or her church work, and supports him or herself by additional, unrelated work. Specifically, tentmaking can also refer to a method of international Christian evangelism in which missionaries support themselves by working full time in the marketplace with their skills and education, instead of receiving financial support from a church. The term comes from the fact that the apostle Paul supported himself by making tents while living and preaching in Corinth (Acts 18:3).

Unlike Peter and other apostles in the early Christian church, who devoted themselves entirely to their religious ministry and lived off the money donated by church members,(Acts 6:2) Paul frequently performed outside work, not desiring to be a financial burden to the young churches he founded. In Thessaloniki, Paul states that he and his companions "worked night and day, laboring and toiling so that we would not be a burden to any of you" (2 Thessalonians 3:8). Paul's purpose in working was to set an example for the Christians, desiring that they not become idle in their expectation of the return of Christ, but that they would work to support themselves. He also hoped that his refusal to accept financial support would build his credibility among non-Christians, thus giving him the chance to win over more of them (See 1 Corinthians 9, particularly verse 12). For additional glimpses into the Apostle Paul's tentmaking ministry see Acts 18:1-3; 20:33-35; Philippians 4:14-16.

In addition to the example of Paul, many other famous people from the Bible supported themselves during their ministry. For example, Abraham raised livestock, Joseph was a government official, Joshua was a war general, Nehemiah was cupbearer to the King, Esther was a great ruler of her people, and Luke was a physician. Even Jesus himself worked as a carpenter (see Mark 6:3).
Financial support is not the only essence of tentmaking. Instead the vocational identity coupled with excellence of work and lifestyle influences colleagues to follow Jesus Christ.
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Pastor Fanco asked me last week if I would be tentmaking or if I would be a full-time pastor.  I wasn't sure of what tentmaking was but when Pastor Fanco told me the short definition I still didn't fully understand so I thought I would be a full-time pastor.  But now that I think of it, tentmaking is actually a very probable option for when I go to Montreal... we'll see.

There is a reason why I'm in Toronto

Dear God,

Today I was thinking of jumping ahead, meaning, I was thinking of somehow moving to Montreal faster/earlier.  I was thinking that maybe I could do full time school at Tyndale, and then graduate in less than 2 years... or ... transferring my credits to a Montreal Christian seminary, be with Tommy faster, and maybe even pay less tuition fees since Quebec is cheaper for tuition fees (I am actually not sure about seminary fees though)... but anyways, in my heart I knew that this was not right.  It is not right to jump ahead and not follow your original plan.

I know that God you have a mission for me here while I'm in Toronto.  In addition to training me to be a pastor before I go into my called mission field, you want me to also take care of certain people in my life before I leave to go to Montreal.  You want me to also take care of the children at church before someone else takes my place.  You want me to learn to be patient too, and learn in an environment where I am more comfortable before going to a totally foreign place... even though it is just one province over.

God, you are good.  I kept thinking today of the statement "God, you are faithful".  That means a lot to me.  You are faithful, meaning that you will always be there for me.  You are faithful, meaning that you know what hard work I do and you will eventually reward me (even though I am not doing it for the reward but at least I know my efforts are not in vain or unnoticed).  You are faithful, meaning that you will not abandon me or trick me or make me do slave work , but you treat me like a wife that you love, because in your Word (the Bible) you say that the Church is like your bride, and we are part of the church.

God you are faithful.  Thank you and I love you.

(reposted from nigelpaul.tumblr.com)

Challenging Words from Jackie Pullinger

Jackie Pullinger, a pioneer to the broken and addicted in Hong Kong, is one of my heroes.

Born in Britain in 1944, Jackie wanted to go to the ends of the earth from a young age. After graduating from the Royal College of Music, she began to pursue missions opportunities.

After receiving visions and dreams, as well as advice from a mentor, Jackie bought a one-way boat ticket to Hong Kong in 1966. There, she moved into the Walled City of Kowloon and began ministering to drug addicts and gang members. Over the years, her ministry has been tremendously fruitful and resulted in the founding of the St. Stephen’s Society.

Below is a transcript from a talk Jackie gave about Jesus’ command to “Go”. Every time I listen to this message I’m reminded of Jesus’ call and am challenged to live in radical obedience. 

“The principle of the Gospel is this: the Gospel always brings life to the receiver, and death to the giver. If the Gospel brought [the ultimate sacrifice] to Jesus Christ, why would we think that in preaching the Gospel it would be any less for us?

“‘So go’, he says. ‘If anybody would be my disciple, he must take up his cross and follow me’.

“If it killed him to give life to us, and he invites us then to do the same, why would we expect that it would be any less? So the mixture of our message is life and death, and laughter and tears, and such it is. But for us, life is never ordinary… Life is never flat.

“And this is what Jesus said about his Father in John 17, ‘The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life, only to take it up again. No one takes it from me’. Jesus was not sentenced … by His Father; he was allowed to choose. ‘I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again’.

“God the Father had this extraordinary plan of winning you and me for eternity by having his Son [pay the ultimate price]. But his Son voluntarily responded. No, it’s not so easy for him to respond. In fact, he spent his whole life practicing. And even the night before, it was still difficult for Jesus. And he said, ‘God, is there another way? Is there another way?’

“And I know many, many people in the church say, ‘Is there is another way?’ And in our Hong Kong churches, it does look as if there is another way. Normal Christians live a normal Christian life, go to meetings, jump up and down on stages - while we are exhausted and die. And they say, ‘Aw, you’ve got a special ministry, Jackie’. And I say, ‘Well no, I think we’re all called, to give up our lives. Would you like to do this with us? We’d really like some help’.

“The poor people all over the earth, who have never heard of Jesus, they are the poorest people. They are desperate for food, they are desperate for blankets, they are desperate for medicine, they are desperate for water.

“The most number of people worldwide who have never heard about the love of our Lord Jesus Christ are desperately poor. And they are not going to come here to hear the Gospel. We have to go there.

“So, why haven’t [we] gone? Something to do with guarding our life, and living a normal life, so other people can go. But I say, No, why don’t you all go, if you’ve tasted such good things? Go to the ends of the earth, because those poor aren’t going to watch Jesus on TV; they haven’t got electricity. They’re not going to hear about him unless we go.

“So would you? I’m here with a plea for you. If you’ve known the love of God, if you’ve tasted of his sweetness at all, there’s no other way to serve him except giving up your life. And this is voluntary. This is not a sentence at all! We’re not sentenced to death, we’re just privileged to answer his call.”

random thoughts

What you’re excited about is what your people really learn. - D.A. Carson

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"Where the battle rages, there the loyalty of the soldier is tested." - Martin Luther

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 God said to me, as a pastor, "I want you to be a father, not a tutor."

"Tutors may worry about other tutors taking their business. Fathers want the best tutors for their kids."

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People in ministry can view their work as 'Jesus' & their rest as s'thing else. But Jesus' food was to do His Father's will. 

People in ministry especially, "Do you rest in a way that is consistent with your calling in Jesus?"

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"That's what you believe. But it's not what you value."

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"Worry is worthless. It can't change the past. It can't control the future. It only wastes this moment." 

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 "Sin offers a temporary fix for your pain - while it slowly destroys your purpose."

  "Lust is the craving for salt of a man dying of thirst." - Frederick Buechner

"The pursuit of purity is not about the suppression of lust, but about the reorientation of one's life to a larger goal." - D. Bonhoeffer

 

Reconsidering.

Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD himself, is the Rock eternal.

Isaiah 26:4
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 I guess yesterday afternoon was a bad time but today I prayed about it and decided I will stay as long as I can with the Grace church kids, to continue building a relationship and learn how to be a children's pastor.  I might not end up becoming a children's pastor in the future, and actually I don't WANT to become a children's pastor, but since children are the hardest congregation and the most vulnerable, it is best that I get my training in children's ministry so that when I deal with youth or adults it will be somewhat easier... or maybe I'm gullible, maybe adults and youth are just as bad...

Today I visited Arabic church and other than some crazy kids everything was great.  I really enjoyed talking with the youth again and I wish sometimes I could still be there for them every week.  But God had a plan when He took me out of Arabic Church ministry, because Pastor Lee had piled up extra work for me at Grace Church right after I left Arabic church, so I would have been burnt out if I had stayed at both churches at once.

I got to talk to Tommy again a little bit today.  The kids at Arabic Church today spoke French too it was amazing.  And I was surprised that this time I was not shy to speak to them in French.  I think my French improved!  Thank God! (and Thanks Tommy!)

I was encouraged by a lot of facebook posts lately.  Especially Janice Le's posts are awesome.  They encourage me to keep pressing on in the hard times and seek God in the storms.  God is good, we just have to keep trusting in Him and believe that He will carry us through and make us stronger people.

This term Grace church is only giving me 300 dollars for the financial encouragement.  I am still grateful but at the same time I didn't expect it cuz last term they gave me 1600 dollars.  This means I probably made the right decision to take up two extra jobs to earn money.  I will work extra hard to finish all my schoolwork and do the best I can.  No more sleeping in like a bum!

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ENCOURAGING STUFF FROM FACEBOOK

When things are going well in your life, I want you to enjoy those good times fully-without worrying about what is on the road ahead. When you are facing tough times, I will help you with My Love. Even though you live in a world where trouble is inescapable, you can be of good cheer because I have overcome the world. -Book: Jesus Calling

Remember that joy is not dependent on your circumstances. Some of the world’s most miserable people are those whose circumstances seem the most enviable. People who reach the top of the ladder career-wise are often surprised to find emptiness awaiting them. True Joy is a by-product of living in My Presence. Therefore you can experience it in palaces, in prisons…anywhere.

Do not judge a day as devoid of Joy just because it contains difficulties. Instead, concentrate on staying in communication with Me. Many of the problems that clamor for your attention will resolve themselves. Other matters you must deal with, but I will help you with them. If you make problem-solving secondary to the goal of living close to Me, you can find Joy even in your most difficult days. -Jesus Calling
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Piano Guys collection of songs... :)

Confessions of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle... I mean, Martine.

Confession 1:

1) I thought about not renewing the Children's Intern contract after next August.

I don't know, maybe I want to try something different.  Learn more things and expand my abilities to beyond children's ministry.  Have more free time to develop myself or go on missions or whatever.  But I don't know if they will be able to find someone, and I don't know what kind of opportunity is out there and whatever opportunity is out there will probably not pay me as much, so what am I going to do about tuition?

2) I watched too many youtube videos this past week.

I kept on searching up "long distance relationship" and "meeting boyfriend for first time" on youtube and watched a lot of useless videos.  I think it's a sign I miss Tommy too much but I also confess I was being lazy and trying to avoid work.

3) I am addicted to my phone at night.

When I am bored trying to fall asleep, I go on my phone internet.  And when I go on phone internet, I do useless things and end up making myself less and less sleepy because of the light from my phone.

4) this is not really a confession but I find the name Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle very funny.

5) this is also not a confession but just a statement... I miss Tommy and I love him so much!!!!

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(later)

This is about item number one.  I don't know why I'm so sensitive or fragile but I felt like crying just now and I did.  I pulled Tom into my old office, closed the door, talked and cried and prayed.  I still feel like crying a bit even now.

I often think about quitting my job.  But when I think of the children I feel like I should stay on.  This job is hard for several reasons... first of all there is a lot of work, so much work that I cannot focus completely on school.  Second of all, my supervising pastor can be very mean.  Please don't tell him I said that, I already have enough problems with him.  I know I need to learn to be humble and have a good attitude even if my supervising pastor is mean, but sometimes I just want to be prideful and fight back and give him attitude.  But I know that's not right.

I don't know, God, what should I do?  This job also does not permit me to take much vacations.  I am responsible for a lot.  I miss being around my church friends just to talk and hang out and go to service.  I miss talking with Pastor Victor.

Why did they have to lay off Tom?  I don't understand.  After Dec. he will not be the Youth Intern Pastor anymore.  Why does church have politics?  Why can't we be a happy family?

Oh no, I am crying again....

Pastor Lee is not always mean.  He can be very kind too.  Many times he prayed for me and gave me advice.  Oh, but sometimes he made me cry...

If I die today what will I regret?  I will regret not going to Africa or China or France.  I will regret not being able to share the gospel with all my friends.  I will regret not spending more time with the Lord.

Where am I going with this? I don't know.  All I know is, tonight, I have to smile and teach the kids.  That's what I have to do.

And I must say, "Heavenly Father, forgive Pastor Lee for he did not know what he was doing"