Someday you'll know why I wasn't meant for you (lyrics of the song posted)

Dear all,

Merry Christmas!  This past weekend has been very eventful at church and with friends and family.  I am so happy this Christmas!  Adrian was right, Christmas IS my favourite time of year, even though it is also very busy.  (oh yes, I talked to Adrian over the phone a few days ago, as a friend.  Don't worry I'm not going to go out with him again, he knows that we weren't meant for each other).

Last minute I got pulled into the Christmas play last Friday because Gloria cough cough couldn't make it.  But it was all part of God's plan, because I really wanted to be in the play in the first place but due to working with children I could not.  But turns out we were able to also bring the kids to watch the play and the song "Never Alone" my sister said I sang it so well that I sounded like the radio!

Also, we sang the song "You Hold Me Now" and I was looking straight at Jen when I sang it cuz I think God meant that song for her since she was going through a rough time.

I was successfully a "good bully" (what an oxymoron) because Gloria's part included being a bully.  And ppl said I was really funny with my evil laugh. (Poor Cecilia, I poured fake water on her head) LOL  All the actors and actresses did really well and overall it was great, with a few confusions but oh well.

Aaron's house party was SO FUN.  Shows that you don't need alcohol to have a great time.  We did White Elephant Gift Exchange and some of the gifts were hilarious.  Karl got face mask, then someone stole it from him, then he got an empty shoebox that said "salvation from God" (turns out there was a USB in there hidden but we didnt' know at first) (Nice one Julio) and Josh Mok ended up wanting the nail polish.  Pui Yun (a guy) got earrings... and by the way I met Pui Yun 10 years ago... this is the first time I seen him again in ten years.

Something special is that I got to share the gospel with Pui Yun. I told him the Christmas story and the basics of Christianity.  I remember when I was in grade 9 I prayed that he would become a Christian, and funny enough, 10 years later God allowed me to evangelize to him.  He is still not a Christian but I invited him to church.  Turns out Aaron knew him from Christian Wushu Fellowship but I didnt know Aaron back then.  I kind of want to tell Jeff about this (Jeff was my first boyfriend and knew Pui Yun as well, because Pui Yun ended up dating his ex Susan)

Yes, a complicated life.  But didn't Jesus also have a complicated life and loved complicated people.  Yes Sirreee.

God is good.  God provided for my finances because I get paid to be Urbana bus captain and we also fundraised money from the Christmas cards.  Arabic church also gave me 90 dollars just for Christmas and helping for one night.  Amazing!  money runs out fast though... but in Jan. I'll be starting an additional job at Canadian Association of Wound Care.  I pray that I will be able to finish all my schoolwork and church work well. CAWC said they will be flexible with my schedule so hopefully that's gonna be ok.

Thank you GOD!!! THANK YOU JESUS!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Christmas wish

Interesting video my friend sent me when i said i might join eHarmony

Car Crash

Thank God we're ok.  Yesterday at around 7pm we were heading north and going through a yellow light when two cars tried to turn left ahead of us.  I told Sanche the driver, watch out, watch out. and he slowed down and let the first car turn but then the second car tried to turn too and it crashed into us.  The air bags came out and the windshield was broken but thank God we are all ok.  I just am sore all over and my face's skin is weird because it went into the air bag.  Thank God we're alive.  The tow trucks came pretty fast and the police did too.  Tomorrow the three of us (Sanche, me, Josh B) are going to the doctor.  Sanche said he doesn't hurt anywhere but Josh said his head hurts so please pray for him.

I guess God really does want me to go to Montreal and to Urbana, otherwise I might be in heaven right now.  You really don't value life and your friends and family until you get a near death experience.  Right now I'm just not tired so that's why I'm online.  Thanks for praying and love you all!

My life in point form

Too much stuff to update you on, so I'll do it in point form:

-cut up Tommy's Christmas gift, my way of letting go of my feelings for him, Jen was there
-Jean Renel definitely has feelings for me, trying to distance myself from him but he doesn't want that
-crazy busy week, my essay is screwed, must need miracle to finish it well
-I'm going to be MC for a press conference on Friday morning and I'm not ready
-lots of children's programs to plan
-kids probably think I'm boring
-lack of motivation last week, very bad, didn't want to do anything, including reading the Bible (bad sign!)
-getting a bit better this week

Trying to convince myself he was never the one

I need to get closure, because either hoping that one day we'll get back together or trying to replace him with quick fixes isn't working.  I went to the counselor for the first time in a long time yesterday.  She suggested I need to prepare myself for seeing him at Urbana.  Whatever his reaction is, I need to be prepared emotionally.  I am really emotional so I was thinking today I need to write out some facts to help me get closure:

1) Tommy said God told him our relationship was impossible.
2) There was the language and cultural barrier.
3) He will most likely go to Africa.
4) He didn't really love me for the right reasons
5) He couldn't accept my family
6) He doesn't have all the qualities that I originally looked for.  Wouldn't God give me the best?
7) He thinks that bipolar people will leave their spouses.
8) He wasn't really romantic, didn't reply to my cards
9) When he gets mad he gets harsh and cynical or sarcastic

I guess he wasn't the one after all.

beautiful song

Take it one step at a time

Yesterday while waiting for Rita at the mall, I saw a Salvation Army band play Christmas carols.  It was so good, I wanted to cry.  I started missing Tommy and I lost my appetite especially because the food court was so small and I had eaten an egg tart at Michelle's house (tutoring).  I started crying over Tommy again until Rita found me, and she talked with me and took me home soon after our talk because I looked exhausted from a week of irregular sleeping.

I know right now I should stay single and be open to whatever God brings me.  I need to live my life, try to be happy and just do what I gotta do each day.  God closed the door to Tommy, maybe He will open a window.  Right now, as Tommy says, things are "complicated".  I'm preparing myself to move out in Sept of next year, I'm learning to love myself, and in the meantime even though me and Tommy still love each other, he might go to Africa and my parents might still want that police check if I were to date him.

Long distance relationships are like a guessing game.  You never know really what the other person is doing and you guess what they are trying to say over text or email.  Skype is also not that reliable and it makes you look at a screen, not a person. You don't get to hang out.

So maybe, if God brings me and Tommy back together in the future, then it will no longer be a long distance relationship.  We will have to see what happens.  Tommy knows I still love him.  Today I was happy to talk to him on facebook.  It was the first real conversation we had.  I prefer facebook chat over text actually. Text is the worst.

I'm done crying now. I have way too much work to do to worry about Tommy.  The essay that is due in less than two weeks is not even started.  Better start now...

Too much to write about

My first ever sleepover at Thuy's house (or anyone else's house for that matter!).  We watched My Sassy Girl and I realized I'm a lot like that girl.  Because I feel that I always try to replace the old boyfriend with a new boyfriend, and then I end up falling for the new guy for who he is although I never really let go of the old guy.  And like the girl in the movie, I have overprotective parents, and need to sort out a lot of things.  I realized after watching the movie that I really needed to move on from old hurts and need to let fate work its work, although fate is also about building a bridge of chance to the one you love.

I feel like I still love Tommy.  Harold has great qualities and is an awesome candidate, but Tommy is the one I still love and hope to be with right now, especially because Harold isn't even interested in me as far as I know.  Anyways I will wait, and stay single until at least my birthday so that I can learn to love myself and be satisfied by myself with God.  I found out from Tommy's adopted brother Jean Renel (who also likes me by the way) that Tommy still loves me but just thinks things are way too complicated.

I gotta run to the gym. :P Update you more soon!

Crazy drama weeks

hey all sorry this is just a quick post to tell u im ok and doing well, family doing well, life is busy and crazy but i am happy and fine and i have decided to move out sept 2013 to tyndale residence.