Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi (let's make it our prayer too)

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

Perhaps the original publication of the prayer was submitted anonymously to the French publication La Clochette in 1912.

Seigneur, faites de moi un instrument de votre paix.
Là où il y a de la haine, que je mette l'amour.
Là où il y a l'offense, que je mette le pardon.
Là où il y a la discorde, que je mette l'union.
Là où il y a l'erreur, que je mette la vérité.
Là où il y a le doute, que je mette la foi.
Là où il y a le désespoir, que je mette l'espérance.
Là où il y a les ténèbres, que je mette votre lumière.
Là où il y a la tristesse, que je mette la joie.

Ô Maître, que je ne cherche pas tant à être consolé qu'à consoler,
à être compris qu'à comprendre,
à être aimé qu'à aimer,
car c'est en donnant qu'on reçoit,
c'est en s'oubliant qu'on trouve, c'est en pardonnant qu'on est pardonné,
c'est en mourant qu'on ressuscite à l'éternelle vie.

(TAKEN FROM WIKIPEDIA)

I LOVE THIS SONG (so much i sang it all morning)

I MUST RESIST ADDING ANDREW BACK ON FACEBOOK!!!! IT IS JUST GOING TO MAKE MORE MORE OBSESSED AND WASTE TIME CHECKING HIS PAGE! MUST RESIST!!!!

I love these lyrics

You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all

So I'll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

Let this be our prayer

Short update

I have to get started on an assignment and get some work done, so I don't really have much time to update you. So here is a short summary...

-I went home yesterday hoping to watch KungFu Panda with my sister but turns out she was with her boyfriend and my mom wanted to tell me some latest gossip about people's divorce. Quite depressing.

-I ended up listening to Celine Dion and praying to God out loud (I didn't care if people thought I was talking to myself, I just wanted to have a conversation with God)

-I started crying like mad to God and asking Him "why" I wasn't healed, and I realized that it's okay to ask "why" sometimes because Jesus also asked the same thing. It's not that I blame God, just that I wanted to express that feeling.

-I got pretty depressed and when my sister came home she chatted with me about it

-Even though I blocked Andrew the day before, I had memorized his phone number so I texted him and told him what was going on in terms of how I felt spiritually attacked. He seemed pretty clueless, didn't know what a spiritual attack was. I didn't tell him anything about why I blocked him. I doubt he even noticed...

-The thing is when I'm depressed about one thing, it carries through to being depressed about Andrew

-Eventually after praying, God gave me the Bible verse Psalm 34:18 which says:

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

-That verse spoke to me alot and I also asked God what I should do about Andrew and I felt God saying I should wait for him.

Now whether I am wrong or right about this, we'll have to see...

-Today I felt much better and I went to Tyndale for chapel worship service and it was really good. Heard some encouraging songs and an encouraging message. I still felt nervous and uptight about being in the new school environment but class went well and I met some new people at the Chinese Community Life club after class.

-funny thing was that I met a brother in Christ at the Chinese Community Life club who wanted to serve in Quebec too. Hard to find a Chinese person who speaks French and who wants to serve in Quebec. But No, his name is not Matthew, it's Pierre. And he's way too old for me so no I'm not thinking of marrying him. I still love Andrew.

So yeah that's my update.

Goodbye for reals, Andrew

Yup, that's right. I deleted Andrew from my phone contact, deleted him off of skype, msn, and blocked him on facebook. No more Andrew. I'm gonna find someone better than him. Thanks for being there Andrew, but I don't need you in my life anymore. It's causing me more pain than joy and I can't afford to keep being depressed about you anymore.

I'm so pissed at how overbearing my mom is. And she's a liar too... but at the same time, I love her... and this song makes me think of her...

Way too busy for my own good

Today I told Notabilia that I can't tutor for them anymore. They said they needed two weeks notice so I'm still stuck there for possibly two more Saturdays. I'm just exhausted this week. I took a 3 hour nap today and was still a bit tired after.

I feel out of touch with cell group people. I've been spending time with people from my church and non Christians, but its been ages since I spent time with cell group ppl. And there's still other ppl that I still need to meet up with (sara, muneeba, nate, etc) and theres barely any time to study.

I don't know how it came to this, but I'm back to being unable to say no. I'm like signing up for two things for every one thing that I drop.

God help me! I have basically no time for hobbies anymore. How sad!

On the bright side, children's ministry and stuff with Andrew has been going well. I've been talking to him more and I feel like he really cares about me. :)

I'm doing ok

Hey everyone, sorry if I worried you. I'm doing ok now, although the situation around me is still messed up. This week has been emotionally exhausting but I got some quiet time today at church so I'm doing ok. I was practicing the song "Hallelujah (your love is amazing)" and this line from the lyrics caught my attention:

"When I am surrounded, your love carries me".

When we are surrounded by problems, let God's love carry you. As cheesy as it sounds, it's true that God wants to carry you through your problems. Instead of struggling in the rapid waters, let the ultimate God carry you.

Thanks for all your support. I will survive.

When I feel so small...

I am afraid that my depression is coming back. I cry so easily now. Sometimes I feel lonely, sometimes I feel sad. It comes and goes. But thank God, I have a lot of friends praying and caring over me.

Quote and Song :)

Quand le vol de la tempête, vient assombrir ton ciel bleu, au lieu de baisser la tête, compte les bienfaits de Dieu.

--taken from my friend Nathanael's facebook post.

(Translation: When the force of the storm, comes to darken your blue sky, instead of dropping your head down, count God's blessings.)



Ephesians 6:11-13

New Living Translation (NLT)

11 Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. 12 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm.

:) been listening to a lot of Backstreet these days

This song describes me and Andrew right now "when the one you love doesn't love you". I spoke to him last night through texting... nothing really has changed on his end. No voice from God or anything speaking to him. But I'm holding on to one last string of hope. He says he wants to ask me a question about him, the next time we talk.

Rely on God's strength

Hey all. I am going through a super busy weekend and the action is not even stopping for a minute. Right after my Niagara Falls trip with family, I had a children's fellowship meeting and a lifegroup meeting with Aaron, then Friday had a meeting with pastor Lee, then Mandarin kids fellowship. Sat. morning I had tutoring (which went surprisingly well, thank God, cuz I got bad reports about this kid but he was actually very well-behaved with me, thank God). Then I had Sat. children's fellowship and Arabic Church. This morning I was preaching at Grace for the kids, then helped out with preparation for a church press conference. Like I said, non-stop action. Tomorrow is the press conference, and after that I am gonna go shopping. Then Tues. is first day of school. PHEW!

I told myself this weekend that seriously, this is way too much work to be done by human power. I had to rely on God's strength. And Praise God, everything went Super well taken in consideration all the crunch time I had to prepare. I felt as if my sermons were last minute, as if my lessons were put together with super little time. But the kids really enjoyed it and things well pretty smoothly, more smoothly than expected. God spoke through me to the kids/teens and I am very thankful.

So lesson learned. Surrender all to Jesus :)

Thanks God

It's pretty late, my eyes are tired and I have to wake up at 7am tomorrow to prepare for tutoring (wish I didn't sign up for that, considering dropping it) but I just wanted to say that despite sometimes almost getting depressed here and there, I am doing great. Thanks to God, today's children's fellowship went super well. I have a lot of work to accomplish over the next few days, but I am confident that with God's power in me and His strength and wisdom, I can finish everything on time and do it relatively well.

But I still think next week I should organize my schedule better.

Update you more later! Hope you chat with all of you reading this sometime soon when I get used to my new school schedule and job.

This Bible passage really helps me right now

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

¹ There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

² a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

⁹ What does the worker gain from his toil? ¹⁰ I have seen the burden God has laid on men. ¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. ¹² I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. ¹³ That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. ¹⁴ I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.

----

Dear God,

Although my life right now is not tragic or in crisis, there is still a lot of mess going on. My self-esteem is kind of shot, and there are issues going on that I don't know how to solve, or that I cannot handle on my own. There is also a lot of work to do.

I'm sorry that I've been neglecting reading the Bible regularly. I guess part of me is lazy and part of me just doesn't feel like it. But I know I should. I will get back on it tonight.

Saying goodbye to Andrew is not easy. I try to see it as if it is, but it's not. And the whole situation with my sister dating my friend doesn't help.

But I know there are bigger issues than this, and I need to get out of this rut and move on. Being a pastor is like this I guess, you get to see many issues going on around you and you try to be there for everyone but ultimately it all comes back down to trusting You God for the solution. And sometimes you gotta deny yourself and just carry the cross.

I can't just be selfish and dwell in my own self-pity, I gotta look up and move on and stop wasting time thinking about things that don't really matter in the long run. Who cares if I don't marry Andrew? Is it like a matter of life and death? Is it gonna be detrimental to anybody? No. I'm not saying I should ignore my feelings but at the same time I cannot dwell on it because that's no help either.

I should just acknowledge that my feelings exist, then give it up to You God because there's nothing else I can do about it.

Hopeful

Hey everyone,

Sorry if I worried you in any way over the past week. I was going through a rough time and thoughts might have been very confusing. But thank God now I'm doing a lot better, and I am very hopeful for the future.

I have come to accept that if Andrew is just a friend, it's going to be more than just fine. He is a great friend and I can learn a lot from him. At the same time, part of me still wishes I could be with him in the future, but I have also come to accept that maybe there is a "Matthew" out there I should be looking out for. Someone who perhaps takes more initiative and loves me back.

Anyways, it's getting late and tomorrow I am doing some volunteering. So I'll talk to you later.

Thanks for being such great friends, and God bless.

Martine

A beautiful song about God's love

What does love look like? is the question Ive been pondering
What does love look like?
What does love look like? is the question Ive been asking of You
Once believed that love was romance, just a chance
I even thought that love was for the lucky and the beautiful
I once believed that love was a momentary bliss, but love is more than this
All You ever wanted was my attention
All You ever wanted was love from me
All You ever wanted was my affections to sit here at Your feet and tell me
What does love look like? is the question Ive been pondering
What does love look like? If all of life comes down to love then tell me
What does love look like? is the question Ive been pondering
What does love look like?

Then I sat down a little frustrated and confused
Your fire of life comes down to love. And love has to be more than sentiment,
More than selfishness and selfish gain

Then I saw Him there
Hanging on a tree, looking at me
I saw Him there
Hanging on a tree, looking at me
He was looking at me looking at Him, staring through me
I could not escape those beautiful eyes
And I began to weep and weep

He had arms wide open, heart exposed
Arms wide open, He was bleeding, bleeding.
Arms wide open, heart exposed
Arms wide open, He was bleeding, bleeding
Loves definition
Loves definition, was looking at me
Looking at Him. Hanging on a tree
I began to weep and weep and weep and weep
This is how I know what love is.

And as I sat there, weeping, crying, those beautiful eyes
Full of desire and love. And He said to me
You shall love Me..You shall love Me.
With arms wide open, heart exposed
With arms wide open, bleeding, sometimes bleeding
You shall love Me.. You shall love Me..


If anybodys looking for love in all the wrong places
If youve been searching for love, come to Me. Come to me.
Take up your cross. Deny yourself.
Forget your fathers house and run. Run with Me.
Cause you were made for abandon your heart and listen
Cause you were made for Someone greater, Someone bigger, so follow Me.
And youll come alive when you learn to die.
And He said to me

You shall love Me. You shall love Me

With arms wide open, heart exposed
With arms wide open, bleeding, sometimes bleeding
-----------------------

And here are some inspiring quotes that helped me today:

"I choose gentleness... Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself. "
— Max Lucado

"Feed your fears and your faith will starve. Feed your faith, and your fears will."
— Max Lucado (Fearless: Imagine Your Life Without Fear)

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her."
— Max Lucado