Ying told me I can't be a robot like I was the past few days. I seriously didn't want to stop being a robot at least till next Saturday but everything hit me last night and the robot became Martine again. I finally figured out what that empty feeling was. It was not guilt. It was the big humongous space that my best friend used to be in my heart. I cried it out and was really desperate. I even looked out the street and imagined my best friend looking up at me or saying goodbye as he dropped me off at home. I considered looking at the moon so that we would at least be connected by the moon but it was so cheesy I just stayed in bed.

Eventually I got over it by a miraculous way of transcendence of space. Don't ask me why I am speaking this way. I am not crazy, just smart. Anyhow, now I have a question to answer and I don't know what to think of it. I hate how hormones, bipolar, and rents get in the way of decisions and feelings. I hate mixed signs in my head. Anyhow, I hope this waiting time will be a molding time, and that we can grow to be more mature, Christ-like, healthy, and confident.