Personal analysis

I have a very vulnerable heart and mind. I often seek to make others happy, sometimes it makes me even anxious. If you are a single male, and you are very nice to me, and if I like your personality, and if I come close to you as a friend, beware. I might just start having a crush on you. Sigh. I can get obsessed easily too. And I often seek warmth.

I tried to analyze why I am so prone to falling for guys. I don't want to rewrite it out here. Too late in the night (12:40am) to write about something so theoretical and having so many facets to it...

But tonight I felt very happy to meet some new friends (Marvelle, Emily, and Perguson) who came from China to learn ESL here. They are here for about one year only at a homestay. They are so nice. They are teens.

If I tell you the number of guys I crushed on this year, you will be appalled. I jump back and forth with guys. My feelings always change. Unless I already decided to commit myself of course... but even then... temptations.

I miss Sam as a friend. I really do. I really wonder what he thinks and if he would want to be friends again sometime... or if he doesn't think it's worth it. He was talking about sacrificial love on his blog. Maybe he would still want to love me.

Today I was hanging out with Mike Wong and others. Sometimes I can't help but compare how much care Mike has shown and how much care Sam was able to show. I can't blame Sam but I guess I felt a lot more care from guys at my church than from Sam, and that's a big part of the reason why I had such a hard time without him around this semester.

I don't know, I'm getting a bit tired and I should go to sleep to be ready for class tomorrow. I just wish that my heart was stronger. Sometimes I just feel so weak.