Be strong, Martine.

Yesterday I had the best day ever at school, learning a lot of great stuff about God and the Bible.  However once I got home my sister asked me something and I guess I snapped at her by accident because she said something wrong about the Bible and I wanted to correct her (I apologized later on, but after crying).  Then I went up to the upstairs bathroom and looked at my face in the mirror.  For some reason I felt so ugly and unattractive, and I felt like Tommy didn't want me and all that so I started crying and I started crying really hard.  I called Ying who was with Gloria and they made me laugh again but afterwards my mom was overbearing and I felt trapped again so I started crying again and it got a bit worse because I was angry at her for being overbearing because that was what started the whole Tommy breakup.  Then I texted Harold even though Gloria told me not to talk to him about Tommy and Harold kind of helped me but not really.  That's because Harold said I need to be emotionally stable to become a good pastor, he said I need to surrender all my feelings to God (which is true) but I told him I don't think I can ever be emotionally stable.  Harold doesn't understand bipolar, that's why.  I think in the future I need to find a guy who is like psychology major or something so that they can understand mental illness in order to live with a mentally ill me.  I am not saying I am deficient or handicapped but I"m saying that I need someone who understands how I feel every day and helps me through it instead of just telling me to be strong.  But I know I need to be strong, but just in a weak sort of way.  It's hard to explain but the Bible says if we are weak then we are strong because God's strength is in us when we are weak.  Here I am rambling on but thanks for listening guys and I appreciate your friendship.  I'm doing well this morning and hope that I will not cry over Tommy anymore....... but if only his friend Mathieu would stop bothering me over facebook...