Another chapter ended

I don't know if Tommy will read this post.  I have decided to keep him on the permission list because I trust him as a friend. But him and I are no longer dating anymore.  I wanted to wait until I move out to date him, but that's in three years and he said he can't say that he can wait three years.  People change, romances die, and he doesn't think he is the right guy for me right now, not sure about in three years.  Looking back, I don't think I truly got to know him and we didn't share that many memories together, it was only 4 months.  But at the same time I value him and I treasure the time we had together.  If God wants me to wait I will wait until something works out but Tommy thinks it will take a miracle and me making efforts to resolve things with my parents.

It all started with a police check.  True, anyone would get offended if their potential future spouse's parents asked him or her for a police check.  But am I worth a police check?  Anyway, Tommy prayed about it and decided that he would not get the police check.  That he would wait until after I move out to date me.  But then yesterday, things changed.  He seemed to think that we should not wait on a person, we should wait on God.  Which I agree.  But I still wanted to know if he was going to date other girls in the meantime.  He could not guarantee, which I understand.  If God tells me to date someone else I would date someone else too.

Since Tommy and I only knew each other for a short time and not much time in person, I guess you could say this was one of the easiest breakups in my lifetime.  But it was still tearful, don't get me wrong, I did cry and lose sleep.  I couldn't help it.  I really wished that Tommy would be my last boyfriend.

Andrew says Tommy should honour my parents and know that I cannot move out soon.  Maybe he does understand that.  But Tommy still thinks that I should become independent of my parents, stand up for myself... it's what Gloria said too.  I know, I know.  But you don't know my parents and God also told me that I should keep at peace with everyone.  Tommy thinks it's impossible to keep at peace with everyone and keep everyone happy.  I know, I'm not gonna leave him for my parents.  But it seems like he left me because of them.

Am I worth waiting for?  I guess not, to Tommy.  That's the way I see it.  He is a good friend, but I don't mean so much to him that he would commit to waiting.  Did I misunderstand him? Maybe.  But that's what I feel as he was saying that he was not the right guy for me and that he could not commit to waiting.  Maybe he is right, that he is not the right guy for me.  I don't know.

In any case, I feel that God wants me to once again be satisfied in Him alone and be joyful in Him alone.  I am wearing my Jesus engagement ring right now and it helps me to think how I can be happy with the lover of my soul, Jesus.

I talked with Tommy's adopted brother and his other friend from Burkina Faso.  The last thing I want is for Tommy to think I'm manipulating his friends to make him get back with me.  No, that is his own choice.  Andrew said the efforts are not up to me, it is up to Tommy.  I can't move out.  If he really loved me he would be willing to wait until God tells him otherwise.  But maybe God didn't tell him to wait after all?

I want to become a better person so that after three years, Tommy or whoever my future husband is will find me ready for a relationship.  Here are some things I wish for:

-that I can become a more joyful person
-that I can love God's Word and understand it more
-that I can distinguish God's voice from my own voice or other people's voices
-that I can be happy with who I am in Christ
-that I can have a good relationship with myself, as Thuy said
-and that I would be a good wife material in general

Another chapter of my life closed.  I'm not on facebook anymore so I guess it would be easier to forget about Tommy if that's what I'm supposed to do, at least for a little while.  I still think I should send him the Christmas present that I made for him (yes I made it that early).  But I don't care if he burns it or recycles it.  I just want to give it to him, as long as he doesn't give it back.

I think Angela and Thuy were right.  It wasn't meant to last because we didn't start on a good foundation.  Only if God wants us together, then we will one day get back together.  Tommy's friends can try to convince him to wait for me but ultimately it is up to God.  I'm glad I didn't lose Tommy as a friend.  Au revoir...