Dear God

Dear God,

What have I got to do to make this pain end?  I can't believe I've been crying for the whole night already I didn't even know that this long time crying was possible.  Dear God I love you but why do I still hold on to Christos like this?  It is impossible that I marry him and it was never the right decision in the first place so why am I still like this?

I just want to down some anti-depression pills to make this stop, I don't want to cry anymore.  Please God can you please save me?  What's wrong with me? Why am I bipolar?  Why can't I make up my own mind?

The stupid pills make me sleep like 14 hours a day I don't want to take them anymore but yet the pain it comes back so strong when I don't take them.  Every time I'm happy I suddenly get sad again it's all the stupid bipolar fault I don't understand.

So confused, just want to go to my heavenly home I am NOT going to kill myself I just want to be in a place where there is no pain, where love lasts forever and where I can just be 100% happy and don't need to worry about pain coming back.

God, please listen to me, I am desperate and I cannot do this anymore.