Falling into place...

I like it when things fall into place. When the struggles you look back on start to make more sense, when the problems you're going through are nearing an end. When the reason for suffering becomes more understandable, and when the planning for future events are done. I'm at that stage right now, and it's much much more easier to bear than being in chaos.

I realize now what happened with the job search and with the waiting time and struggling times. God wanted to train me to be more humble. It's easy after a while of being Christian to just think you know it all or are better than other Christians or whatever. It's easy to think that you are more equipped, more experienced, and more entitled to something. But God doesn't do things that way. He is a humble God, willing to die on a cross. Willing to stoop down and touch a "dirty" old leper.

I realize now why I didn't get the job at my church. Why there was a conflict between someone and someone, which led them to relationship counselling, which made them feel better. I now understand why we didn't go to Montreal last year, and why I was so moody this month despite the medicine I took. I now understand.

Although my problems are not over, at least I know how to deal with it. I know that when I can't control things, I MUST trust in the Lord all the more. Like someone said, a curse can be a blessing in disguise. And again, sometimes, it's deeper than the surface problem and we gotta deal with the real deal... whether it be a character trait that needs to change or a spiritual issue.

There is one thing that is hard to deal with right now though: for my friends to be happy. I know I can't make everyone happy. I just wish I could. There is a lot of suffering and hardship in my friends' lives right now. Each person has a different thing to deal with. Sometimes I can offer help, sometimes, words and prayers are not really enough.

I wish I also had all the time in the world to keep in touch with friends, keep doing work for God (still need to figure out what to do about CF handbook and VCF handbook), get better at French, and read the Bible in calm nature settings. More time to dance, plan, and exercise would be nice.

And I haven't swum in a long time. Stupid period problem. At least it's not making me moody right now...

Tomorrow I'm leaving for Montreal for 4 days. I hope that it will be a good trip... <3 God bless you, everyone.