One of the hardest things in life

Yesterday I found out that one of the hardest things in life is confronting yourself. Sometimes you might be afraid of confronting others with the truth but when you confront yourself it's harder because you realize you need help, and that you really can't do it on your own. I can't say to you right now what I found out yesterday but basically I learned that something may be interesting when you study it, and you may think, "oh that may never happen to me" but when it does you will feel shocked and not know how to deal with it.

I'm not super depressed right now or anything, I just don't know how to deal with it. I found out the reason why I was what I was, and it's all starting to make sense, but at the same time, it doesn't make any sense. And some people have said to me that I might have the thing that I found out about but before, I would say, "no, I'm not like that, I'm different, I have this other thing, it's different". But when you find out the truth, you realize everyone else was right and you have to make a decision about what you're gonna do now, otherwise the odds are that something might happen.

So although I'm being vague, I really just don't know how to deal with it. Trying to explain to my parents is also a really hard thing to do cuz I have to say it in Chinese to their traditional minds, and it's just hard to say things when you don't have the words and you can't even deal with it yourself. Dang.

So these days I'm just a little more emotionless and numb, cuz I have to wait it out until I see someone again to figure out what the heck I am gonna do. :S I have to go to work right now, so I can't really stay here and chat, but just please pray for me...

I need to figure out what to do!