More deeply...

Recently I have been ordering books from the library (free service) about bipolar disorder. There was this one quote I found that made me feel really good to be bipolar. Surprising that a mental disorder can actually be an advantage, eh? Karissa told me also that a handicap can be a blessing in disguise. You can see things uniquely. And for me, more deeply. Here is the quote, from Kay Jamison:

I honestly believe that as a result of it (bipolar disorder) I have felt more things, more deeply; had more experiences, more intensely; loved more, and been more loved; laughed more often for having cried more often; appreciated more... seen the finest and the most terrible in people, and slowly learned the values of caring, loyalty, and seeing things through.... But, normal or manic, I have run faster, thought faster, and loved faster than most I know.... It has made me test the limits of my mind. Extremes of emotions are a gift-- the capacity to be passionately involved in life, to care deeply about things, to feel hurt; a lot of people don't have that. It's the transition in and out of the highs and lows, the constant contrast, that fosters creativity.

When I read this quote, I was like... WOW, that's SO me! It's so beautifully put... It's true, I have loved faster, and more deeply, and hurt more deeply too, but I guess it was all worth it. And through my troubles I have learned what loyalty means, because I know who my real friends are after I go through a very emotional (sometimes angry) time. My family also has stuck by me, and so I know what caring and patience really is.

And I know now that having my mental disorders is actually a blessing because I can understand others better when they are going through hard times. Already in this month I've had two friends who shall remain unnamed come up to me and share their psychological troubles. It helps for them to feel like someone understands. When I was going through my crap at first, there was no one who understood. That's why I felt so happy when I met a girl who told me she had depression. I was reluctant to open up but after I told her I was depressed, she opened up too.

So you see, when you open up your heart, others will also open up. If you close your heart, others will close theirs!!