Summer!

I haven't written here for ages. I just finished a week of summer school at Tyndale (my new school). It was great, except for the fact that I kept falling asleep in class. The material was interesting and engaging, just that I was really tired and not used to being in class all day like in high school. Also I was not used to waking up really early to leave my house at 7am. Thuy, I feel your pain now.

This summer is really packed full of activities even though at first glance it seems like I am doing nothing (no full-time job). But I got a job with Agape Charis Learning Centre to teach elementary math and intermediate/advanced French at a summer camp in July. It's not that many hours, which is bad and good at the same time. Bad because I don't get enough money, but good because then I can focus on preaching at Arabic church as well as all the other church stuff I'm involved in.

I'm involved in a lot. Church softball, junior highs, children, Arabic church, and tutoring on the side still with Notabilia Education Centre.

And I'm spending all the extra time to meet up with people that I haven't seen in ages. I just wish I had more evenings free so I could meet up with Thuy!

You know what I did to try and keep myself awake during the last three days of summer school? I tried to eat constantly.

Feeling a little bit left out

I just found out (through facebook) that my friend Richard Tsang got married on Saturday. I feel kind of left out that I didn't know about this. I'm not mad that I wasn't invited, but I just feel a bit left out. Richard went to my old church. It seems like almost every time someone from my old church gets married, I wasn't invited. I guess they don't consider me close enough as a friend?

It's funny (not haha funny but weird) that my new friend Vivek at my new church got invited to the wedding. I guess they are closer friends. Vivek had told me on Sunday that he missed Saturday softball practice for a wedding. Little did I know that it was actually Richard and Assunta's wedding.

The only times I got invited to weddings of people from my old church was Stevenson and Grace's wedding and Sam Wong and Fiona's wedding. Stevenson and Grace's wedding was a long time ago, back when I was still in high school. And Sam Wong's wedding? I didn't go because I was holding a grudge against Sam Wong. I know, so stupid.

I don't hold that grudge anymore. Looking back, it was kind of silly why I held that grudge. I should have forgiven him. But I guess when he invited me to his wedding I felt like there was no point in going.

Leaving behind my old church wasn't easy. I still miss the people a lot and right now tears are coming up a bit as I think about it. A huge part of my identity came from that church. And it's sad that I'm so "out of it" right now that I didn't even know Richard got married.

I like my new church. But I still miss ETCBC.

Je viens de finir un de mes derniers examens

(English translation to follow)

Je viens de finir un de mes derniers examens. Un autre et c'est fini. C'est ironique que maintenant je connais plus au sujet de l'histoire du Quebec qu'au sujet de l'histoire de l'Ontario. A cause de mon cours de FREB22 (Societe et Culture du Quebec). C'est aussi ironique que je suis a Toronto en train d'etudier a propos du Quebec quand ce serait plus pratique de VIVRE au Quebec et apprendre encore plus.

Mais j'ai recu 85% pour ma redaction, je suis tres contente. Ma redaction a propos de la langue populaire du Quebec chez les jeunes. Ah, que le Quebec me manque!

Un de mes seuls liens au Quebec c'est le facebook de mon ami Matthieu Charest. Il est un ami tres politique, drole et interessant. Je ne comprends pas bien son accent, non plus. Il parle veritablement le Quebecois.

Un autre examen, et c'est fini. Fini mes jours ici a UTSC. Est-ce une bonne chose? Peut-etre. Est-ce que ce campus va me manquer? Peut-etre. Mais je suis tres excitee a propos de Tyndale. J'etais si excitee que je ne pouvais pas vraiment concentrer sur mes etudes cette semaine...

---

I just finished one of my last exams. One more and its done. It's ironic that right now I know more about the history of Quebec than the history of Ontario. Because of FREB22 (Society and Culture of Quebec). It's also ironic that I'm learning about it while living in Toronto, whereas I could be living in Quebec and learning so much more.

But I got 85% for my essay, I'm very happy. My essay on the popular language of Quebec in young people. Oh how I miss Quebec!

One of my only links to Quebec right now is my friend Matthieu Charest. He is a very political, funny, and interesting friend. I don't really understand his accent. He really speaks Quebecois.

One more exam, and it's done. Done with my days at UTSC. Is it a good thing? Maybe. will I miss this campus? Maybe. But I am very excited about Tyndale. I was so excited that I didn't really concentrate on my studying this week...

Missing Quebec

Quebec is my dream. I really want to live and work there in the future. Originally I felt that this passion was from God and that meant that I should become a Pastor in Montreal or something in the future. Now I don't know anymore...

because my spoken French isn't even that good. And there is so much going on in Toronto: ministries, friendships, family... how am I supposed to leave all of that?

I was talking to Sam a bit today and he said that sometimes you have a dream but God wants someone else to accomplish that dream, kind of like how David in the Bible wanted to build the temple but God wanted his son to do it. Sam said, "Sometimes we have dreams but maybe it's to inspire others or maybe it's for us, we just have to follow God and see" (something like that)

Today I was very sad because I missed Quebec. It sounds stupid, I know, but I was crying for a good while about it, because my sister got this 5-week trip acceptance to the Explore program in Quebec and she might not even take it, whereas when I applied, I didn't get accepted and now I probably will never have the chance to go. It's the one thing I regret most about my university career, not going to Explore.

MY SPOKEN FRENCH SUCKS!!!! And I have no time to practice it, cuz I'm so busy with so many English-speaking and Chinese-speaking ministries!!!

:(

Don't worry, I'm not bitter, I'm just stating the facts. I don't regret joining softball, helping out at church, or doing all the things I'm doing for Arabic church and Grace church. It's just I wish somehow there was more time so I could also go to Quebec and learn more French. SIGH.

Don't worry, I'm ok. I just needed to let it all out. God knows best. And I trust in His timing and His plan.

I just don't have the words to say. It's just overwhelming to know that your friend could have died two days ago, and right now he's not answering your phone call, he's not online, and you can't go to his place to check on him.

I finished my 20-page essay today but it's like a part of me is not at peace because this friend could be trying once again to end his life but I cannot be there for him anymore.

Sorry to talk about all this depressing stuff here.

I'm gonna go on a diet :( :( :( So sad. And no, I'm not turning anorexic. It's just that my fat accumulates in my belly and it's gotten to the point where it's embarrassing. If I'm not wearing a baggy shirt then you will think that I am 4 months pregnant. It's that bad.

I didn't even eat that many extra junk food these days. In fact, I have eaten almost NO junk food lately. Almost. I ate a Junior Chicken from McDonald's today. But I was really hungry!!!!!

I hate how my medicine makes me gain weight and on top of that, it makes me have a big appetite. From now on, I'm going to eat less meat, eat more vegetables, eat less sugary stuff, and eat until I"m only 70 % full. I will stay hungry for the whole day and night for all I care.

I can't even look good in my dresses anymore. There's only one dress I can look good in now, and it's the one that hides the belly. All the other ones, if I wear it you will DEFIITELY think I'm pregnant, or worse, I won't even fit in the dress.

I don't know how this can happen, I didn't even eat chocolates or chips lately. :(

I look more pregnant than my friend who is actually pregnant. UGH!!!!!

HORRIBLE. My friend wants to have an abortion. I really don't know what to say but I feel like this is just horrible. We can say that the baby will go straight to heaven but it is still a potential life just gone.

And to top it off, I found out from my mom that my grandma used to not only be a midwife doctor helping people deliver babies in China, but that she also used to do a lot of abortions as well. How many little potential lives did my grandma kill? I just can't believe it.

All this stuff happening right when I have two major papers due. These days when I wake up in the morning I just want to stay in bed. My papers are going so slow that it's like slower than a snail. I've never had so much trouble writing essays before.

Last week when I went with my friend to the clinic I was able to stay calm. But now I am starting to feel horrible, because she wants to have an abortion and I feel like there's nothing I can do. I can suggest that she just have the baby and give it up for adoption but it's harder than it sounds.

I'm starting to feel quite affected by this situation. And there's nothing anybody can do about it. :(

All this mixed up with nonstop church responsibilities (which I enjoy, but it does still mean that I have less time for essay-writing) and wondering what the heck I am doing next summer and what the heck am I supposed to do next year in terms of job. SO OVERWHELMING RIGHT NOW!!!!! :S

SIGH. God help us.