So much happened... and will happen

Hello dear blog reader friends,

It's a long story, and it's hard for me to share because maybe you won't believe me and think I'm crazy.  But this past Monday I was supposed to get on a plane to New York to spend time with Chris from Monday night to Friday (tomorrow) afternoon.  However, a series of messages from God convinced me that I should not go.  It wasn't just that two of my close friends warned me that going to New York was a bad idea.  I also had a little voice in my heart that said "Martine, please don't go" repeatedly, and also the flight got cancelled ten minutes before my taxi for the airport was supposed to come.  There were too many signs leading me to believe that I shouldn't go.

I skyped Chris after the flight got cancelled and explained why I think God is trying to speak to me, and why I wouldn't want to wait until the next flight.  I didn't want to be like Jonah in the Bible, disobeying God and getting swallowed by a whale (in my case, obviously I wouldn't be swallowed by a whale but I would be probably stuck at the airport or get into some kind of bad accident).  God only does things for our good.  I know I wasn't happy with Chris, looking back, I wasn't satisfied with the relationship.

After I told Chris I wasn't going, I told him we should take a one week break of silence, pray more, and ask God whether this relationship should continue.  He messaged me the next day saying he realized he was wrong about the homeless man and wrong about thinking I went out on a date with Brian Mak.  He is now willing to seek God, go to church more, read the Bible, grow, and get involved in the church.

I replied saying he shouldn't do it for my sake but for his own sake, and that after that message I need a one week break of silence.

This week of silence has been the best week ever. I think of Chris often but I feel happy without him.  I feel free, I feel I did the right thing. I feel very peaceful after cancelling the trip to New York.  I am more focused on God and my work.  I am happy that this drastic thing also drove Chris to focus on God more.  It's for his own good.

Of course, I don't know what will happen after I tell him next monday that my final decision is to break up.  I plan to talk to him about options of what we can do to stay acquaintances, still go to the same church, and my decision is to stay single and have another discussion with him on Dec. 1st after he has had 8 months to focus on God and see whether we should get back together.

That is what I think so far.  I am feeling absolutely fine right now, not faking it, not trying to mask anything, not trying to suppress anything.  I am truly happy.  And I have found myself again.