Learning about myself

Dear God,

Starting last Friday, I started missing Chris really badly.  It got worse and worse, and worst thing is, I lost focus off of You.  It started with me seeing couples together, both at the youth group and at Jen's birthday.  I started feeling like there was something I was missing.

The myth is that I need a guy to be happy.  It's a myth I believed most of my teenage and young adult life.  Today was the worst so far in terms of missing Chris because I started feeling like crying and wanting him back in my life right away.  I even asked him if I could talk to him today and yesterday I told him I wanted to get back with him.

My counselor had said, seek after God and wait for God's answer.  However, I did exactly the opposite.  I wasted time just lying around in bed wanting to forget everything and wanting to just feel peaceful and rested.  I didn't spend time in Your Word and I didn't pray much in a way that was centered upon God.  I let the issue of Chris and I's relationship get in between me and You.

But thank You Lord that Chris refused to speak to me today, which made me end up going online to look up Christian advice on dating and that helped me get back to focusing on You.  Lord, I am sorry for my sin and sorry for missing out on You during this time of missing Chris.  I guess I took my focus off of You and didn't follow my own advice of waiting for You and spending time with You.

God, I know You have the best plan for me and whether or not it includes Chris in my life, I will choose to trust You.  Please teach me to be more patient, because that is what You are.  Please teach me to love You first.  I mean, even Chris is seeking after You during this time, so I should too.  How can I be a godly wife if I don't even focus on You during this time of break between me and Chris?

Selena helped me figure out pros and cons of my relationship with Chris, but the most meaningful thing she said was Trust in God's will.  Only time will tell what Your will is, but I do want to follow Your will, Lord.  May your will be done.

Thanks for pointing me back to You, God.  Please help me to stop being a hypocrite and really follow my own advice, to wait for Your answer, to wait upon You and focus on You, to spend time in Your Word.