Faith, Hope, and Health

Today we talked about the question of "what is faith?" at Alpha. Someone said that faith is believing in something that you cannot have proof for, and something that is different than science. Someone else said that faith is a feeling you have inside, a sort of power that you get from God. Another person said that if you put faith in something, it means you buy into it, your whole being will be buying into it. And people said it is harder to have faith when you haven't experienced anything that gives you any reason to believe in God. I think I pretty much agree with everyone, at least in most respects, about these thing about faith.

On the car ride home, I had a great talk with a good friend of mine. Through chatting and talking about faith to others I also receive hope and inspiration that I would never think of if I was just sitting by myself. I talked about my life, how it was characterized by suffering, with my mental health, physical health, relational issues (boyfriends and other stuff), and just stress in general... and my friend asked me how I stay devoted or how I find motivation to stay focused on God. I thought about it and really it came down to telling myself "It will ALL be worth it in the end", and also praying to God, "Make me more like You, let my heart be broken by what breaks yours, God" and also caring for others.

I do admit that sometimes I wonder whether I am suffering needlessly or whether I am doing anything that matters, but faith is also about trust. Trusting that life does have meaning and what we do does matter somehow.

Now about my health, I want to touch Jesus' cloak... http://www.pbc.org/files/messages/7562/4573.html

I realized that to be healed, at least I have to WANT to touch Jesus' cloak, so to speak. I have to want God to heal me. Right now I'm just apathetically bleeding, and I've seen doctors and all but it's not working. But do I care right now if God heals me? Not really, for some odd reason. I feel like it's just a part of my daily life, I've gotten so used to it, even though it makes me tired. Somehow I started wanting to be healed lately, but before I did not want to be healed cuz I didn't even pray for myself fervently about it. I don't have the faith that the woman has in the passage (you can read it in the link above)