The difference between kindness and being trod on

Some of my friends have told me that I am too nice, and that I would be taken advantage of. I think it's so true, and it's hard for me to figure out the balance between when I should give forgiveness and kindness vs. when I should stand my ground and refuse being taken advantage of because I am nice.

Just now I was talking to my dear friend and co-worker Selena about how I tend to attract freaky guys. There is one at UTSC who is always around the library, not that he is waiting for me or anything but he just is around. I used to be friends with him and he would take me out on walks to chat. And then one night I was under what I call a "trance". It happens sometimes when I am super stressed/sad/exhausted and then I become prone to do things I normally won't do, like for example, have a crush on people just on the basis of looks and say things I normally don't say.

So one night after Alpha I saw this guy and told him to come sit with me. I think I sat too close and was a bit too friendly. And he asked me to take a walk with him again, like old times, and we went behind the Management wing. I sat too close again and he asked me about my boyfriend. I told him about my boyfriend and he started asking me stuff like whether I could come to his apartment. I said no. He asked why. Anyway I ended up saying I have to go home now and he walked with me and somehow started slapping my butt. I yelled at him to stop and even tried to kick his butt, but he just laughed. He slapped my butt again and I swore that if he ever did it again I would call the police. I got really mad. When we got to the bus stop I don't know why but I wanted to give him a goodbye hug. He pushed me away and said "Don't fuckin touch me, I hate you!".

I told Selena the gist of this story and she said I should report it to the police. This guy could do it to other girls and who knows, because Bernardo used to go here and he went from a university student to rapist to killer. I need to report this dude to protect other girls. The problem is, I don't remember when this happened. I told Adrian about it the night it happened but I don't remember when...

Now that I recall this, I want to cry...

I've been sexually assaulted before this, too, on the bus. And also, when I was in gr. 3, on the playground.

GIRLS, statistics say that almost all girls have been sexually assaulted at least once. Don't stay silent about it. Report it when you can! And take a self-defense class, don't let anyone sweet-talk you into doing something or going somewhere you don't want! And remember, no matter what happened, it's NOT your fault. <3