So Vulnerable

I got a headache yesterday I think because I was working my butt off at the gym and the fitness class teacher worked us really really hard. Today my headache persisted and I took two advils and my body ached. Yesterday I slept early and because of that I didn't take my medication for bipolar. Then today there was some misunderstanding with Pastor Lee and some other stuff that happened so I started crying after Sunday School and I stopped my crying right before the Easter Lunch. I am so glad that I have my friends Aaron and Josh to share with about my troubles because they prayed for me today. And Gloria, Joyce, Sam, were there to share in some of my irritations and troubles. I'm glad I can be honest at church and don't have to hide my sadness behind a smile in front of everybody. God loves me this I know. Thank God for his mercy.

I just got an email from Harold. He said he doesn't mind communicating with me every day because he appreciates having a sincere friend. That phrase "sincere friend" just totally hit me and it reminded me that I should just be his friend without expecting anything, and be careful not to show my romantic feelings because otherwise he might think I am just being his friend just to flirt with him or something. Which is possibly true at this point, I need to do a self-check. I need to think, would I be okay with being Harold's friend without anything that comes out of it? Often I feel like I may have ulterior motives, such as pleasing my feelings or something. I pray that I can be a sincere friend like Harold thinks I am. I need to keep my mouth shut more often because I feel like I am jumping the gun these days like for example I asked him if he likes kids. And if he still loves his ex. AHHH MARTINE YOU ARE TOO FAST! WAYYYY TOO FAST!!!

Anyways may God help me with this! God please steady my heart!!!