How do you know you really love someone?

People say, YOU JUST KNOW.  Well you know what??? NO YOU DON'T.

There is such a thing as a crush, an infatuation, attraction, idealization, a love of oneself, a love for attention, a rebound, a psychological traumatic fear turned into love, reciprocal love, and just plain confusion.

You need to really THINK and ANALYSE to figure out if you really loved someone.

Let me analyze...

JEFF (gr. 8-10)-- I would say that I really loved Jeff.  First it started out as friendship love, then became crush, then became romantic love.  I wanted to marry him.  He had qualities that I liked.  But somehow I didn't know HOW to love, because he was my first love and I didn't have the right communication skills.  Long story short, I knew I loved him because it took me three years to get over him.  Three years later when I was in the hospital, he was the first person I wanted to visit me.

JONG (1st year university, 2nd semester)-- I never REALLY dated Jong but I considered it a romantic relationship because it took me a long time to get over him too.  I would say it was attraction and idealization.  I thought he was the one because he was a good christian or so it seemed.  I fell for him, but I really didn't know him that well.  So I would say it wasn't truly love either.

LEWIS (summer after Jong)-- rebound and attraction.  Nuff said.  It didn't hurt me at all after I broke it off.  I knew he wasn't worth it, he was just an easy target as I was trying to get over Jong.

ROSCOE (Christmas after Lewis til the following spring) -- Psychological traumatic fear turned into love.  He was a criminal for horror's sake and he did something horrible.  I had pity on him and talked with him.  I was fearful and psychologically turned the fear into love.  I was going crazy. I didn't really love him. 

ADRIAN (summer after Roscoe til the following summer) -- He was a friend since gr. 8 and I missed him because he cut off contact for one year.  I missed him so much that I decided to write him a card telling him I loved him.  So really I loved him deeply as a friend, not as a lover, at least at first.  Then because he asked me out I felt reciprocal love and decided to return his love.  Slowly I sort of fell in love but not completely because I remember during my dating time with Adrian I considered dating Ronson instead.  And with Adrian I know I made love with him but that was more out of lust and pleasing him and getting sucked into his dirty world.  It hurt like hell afterwards because of the sexual connection so I guess you could say I did love him but at the same time it was not perfect love.

TOMMY (around 2 years after I broke up with Adrian) -- idealization and reciprocal love, I barely knew him, I just knew he liked me and he was in Montreal so I thought it would fit with my future mission.  After the breakup I became devastated and sad but I think it was more because of how he treated me after the breakup and the fact that my parents broke it off.  And that my idealization was crushed.

CHRISTOS (right now) -- first I got attracted to him because of lust, then as I got to know him I admired him and liked certain qualities.  But I didn't really know him that well so I actually started the relationship with him based on the fact that I was hyper.  Then as time progressed I started having doubts whether this was the right thing and finally my parents broke it off.  Then after the breakup I realized I actually did love him and wanted to be with him and it was not idealization because actually he did not want to go to Montreal.  We got back together quickly and I loved hm more than before, this time for who he really was, his character and how he treated me.  I question myself whether it was love for attention but I actually really love who he is as well, not just the attention.  Then because of peer pressure and pressure from family I broke it off again.  This time I was more depresed than the first breakup and I realized I can't live without him, at least I need him to be my friend.  That's what showed me I really loved him.

Idealization may make me tempted to look elsewhere.  But now it seems clear to me who I really loved.