Dear God

Dear God,

I thank you for a wonderful time at Urbana.  Even though it was hard seeing Tommy and getting all distracted by him, I know throughout the whole conference you wanted desperately for my heart to be given completely to You and although I still struggle with that I know that it's a process that You can help me with.  Thanks for Your unending love and patience with me.  I want to learn to focus back on You and not to get distracted again.

There is still a lot for me to learn and prepare before I go to Montreal for long term missions.  I need to get my heart completely turned towards You with abandonment of all other things.  God please help me to draw closer to You and have a deep love and appreciation for Your Word and learning how to hear Your voice.

Although I am sick and it kind of sucks, I want to make sure I don't waste my time, that I manage my time well and use it for You.  I am going to read a book on discerning Your voice because it's something I struggle with.  I hope it can give me new insights.  Also I want to stop making excuses with the book of Job because although it is very long and I find Job's friends annoying I think it is very important that I get through reading it for my own sake.

There is a lot that I still need to figure out, like when you would want me to visit China or Africa for short term missions, whether you want me to go to Montreal or stay in Toronto for the translation program, whether you want me to move out in September, and whether you want me to go to Parole de Vie Bethel for one year of Bible studies.  All these decisions but I am not worried because I know You will guide me.

Yesterday I cried about Tommy again but I didn't call any friends, I knew that You were there to comfort me and my sister comforted me too.  I wonder if I should just block Tommy off of my facebook because it seems like being his friend isn't working out well right now.  He has completely moved on but I have not.  I was talking to him yesterday on facebook message and yeah, I just feel like it is totally not fair.

I want to learn how to guard my heart, God, I've always struggled with singleness and guarding my heart, it's crazy.  I also want to be a better listener and understander, not to assume things.  Please help me to change my bad habits.  I want to care more.  God please change my heart and help me to become more like You.

I'm so distracted God, how can I be less distracted?  Please help me...