Goodbye Andrew

Just got off facebook chat with Andrew.

(after me talking about how I had a stressful day, and how part of the reason is not explainable because it's about HIM)

Me: I don't know if I should even be asking you this, but am I just another girl to you?
Andrew: What do you mean, just another girl, there are lots of girls in this world, lol
Me: Yeah. I'm nothing special right? I'm just another girl. There are lots of girls in this world. There might be other girls who like you. So I'm just another girl, I'm nothing special.
Like I know God thinks I'm special. But I'm not sure if for you I'm anything special. If you don't see me as anything more than a friend, it's okay.

(long pause)

Andrew: well I don't think a friend is "just another girl". But yeah I don't see you as more than a friend at this moment. And I don't think any other girls like me right now.
Me: oh ok. well thanks for letting me know. I need to read the Bible right now. Good night (that's me trying to escape)
Andrew: hmm... ok. Good night.

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Ok so this song is not exactly the situation, but I really like the lyrics and it's a nice song :P

What a stressful day.

Today was my last day of tutoring with Adelaide (gr. 10 French) at Notabilia. That was not the stressful part. The stressful part came after. SOMEBODY (not any of you reading this, don't worry) changed plans last minute and because of that, I got stressed out and even started crying. Usually I am quite patient with things like this but this time I broke.

I think that actually it wasn't the person's fault for making me cry. I was already subconsciously stressed out about the whole Andrew thing and also stressed out about what perspective I should take about the gift of healing (yesterday somebody else told me about how you can heal someone just by praying and lots of other stuff that totally mind-boggled me). I was also stressed out because my mom is treating me like a kid and giving me double standard in the way she allows my sister to do stuff but not me.

It's hard for me to tell you guys this over the phone because people are around and I don't want them to hear. That's why I just spill it out on this blog.

I've been going through a hard time today. It was supposed to be a fun day with Jenny and church friends but I ended up crying more than once today. Thank God Jenny didn't see... I was actually fine during the time that Jenny and I hung out. It was before the hangout and after the hangout that I was feeling down.

To top it all off, I was supposed to go to CNE with Arabic church tomorrow but all of them cancelled on me so I was left with two CNE tickets that I didn't know what to do with. But my mom says she'll go with me on Saturday. I hope it won't be stressful.

I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship.

Those who plant in tears
will harvest with shouts of joy.
They weep as they go to plant their seed,
but they sing as they return with the harvest.

Psalm 126:5-6 (the Bible)

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I just want to give up on Andrew. Enough waiting for him, why don't I wait upon God instead? God understands how I feel. Today as I was reading my devotion book on the bus, I felt God telling me that my heart needs to be renewed before I can start any romantic relationship. My heart needed healing after Adrian, and now that it has healed, the next step is a renewed heart that is passionate for God and is refreshed in the Spirit.

Thuy says that Andrew should at least tell me how he feels about me. I don't know how to ask him though, without sounding like I'm pressuring him. Aaron says I shouldn't ask, because we wouldn't want him to give an answer without it being led by God. I don't know what to think anymore. I just don't want to wait for him and cry every night because of this. The hard part is not the waiting. It's waiting while I observe my sister dating my friend. I feel like it's not fair, the double standard that my mom puts on us.

My sister is allowed to date while I am not, and my mom keeps reminding me of past stuff and reminding me of how I need to focus on school first. Well doesn't my sister also have school??? It makes me mad.

For all I know, I'm just another girl to Andrew. At least with God I know that He thinks I'm special and He cares about me uniquely. Andrew is just a clueless person who doesn't know what he's missing. Sorry, I'm just upset. If he doesn't want me, then too bad for him. It's his loss. I'm not gonna cry over him.

God, I'm Yours.

Perfect theme song about waiting for Andrew

I love how this song makes you wait a good long time during the intro before you hear the singing part of the song. Uncomfortable waiting isn't it? It's hard to wait. You just want to fast forward. But God wants us to learn patience and not rush things, especially love.

I love the lyrics of this song. Reflects pretty much everything I feel about Andrew. Yesterday night I was crying because the waiting was getting hard. I even texted Andrew (as well as a bunch of people from lifegroup) to get them to pray for me because it was getting hard. So Andrew knows that it's hard for me. Good thing he texted back. I'm always glad to hear from him.

I'll be waiting for you baby, till the time is right :) Love is waiting.

What encourages me is people like Caleb, who are also waiting (he likes a girl, not me, and he's waiting on it). And people like Nanette too, she's also waiting for the right one to come along and she prayed a prayer for me that is just perfect: Peace be with you.

I love Tintin!!!

I want to watch this movie with Andrew in Montreal. :)

James 1:2-8

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

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Question: What do you work hardest at?

2 Peter 1:5-8

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.