Dear God, draw me close to You

This is the third time I wrote on this blog today but I don't care.

I was crying really hard just now, because I feel far away from God. I miss God. I want to be close to Him again. I'm very sad and heartbroken. I feel like I like broke up with God or something. I was talking to Caleb on the phone about this. He understands what I mean.

Tomorrow is the last time I'm gonna see Caleb until he comes back from Hong Kong in late August. I feel like going up to him and crying and hugging him. That's what I feel like doing.

I feel like Andrew and I are not going to work out. I'm very heartbroken right now. I think I'm just gonna try to tell him I like him and just get it over with. There's never a "right time" anyways, if I keep dragging this on I'm just gonna wait until I die.

I feel so guilty, I don't even spend much time with God anymore. I feel like I'm starting to become empty inside.

Caleb told me that God still loves me. That made me cry even more because what kind of God is this that He would love me even though I'm not even obeying his commands. What a good God he is. So I cried even more.

I just want to be close to God again.

2nd attempt at writing something inspiring

Hey all,

So lately I've been doing pretty well. Health is hopefully okay, although I need to see the doctor and I need an ultrasound but my period stopped so at least it's not going nonstop.

Today I was supposed to go to Wonderland with Arabic church but not enough people could make it so we cancelled it and we're going to the park instead tonight. Hopefully that works out.

It's kind of sad that our trips haven't been working out, and sometimes I wonder if my hard work is going to waste, organizing trips that don't end up happening anyway. But then deep inside I know that nothing is going to waste. As long as you are serving the Lord, God sees and will reward you for what you have done.

I'm becoming more and more confident about the internship at church with the kids. At first I was scared and nervous, thinking I could not do it, but after reading some Bible passages, I felt encouraged because I know that God will be with me, and he will go before to prepare the way.

I think I will still have a lot of struggles but I have a lot of people who are supporting me and backing me up.

.....

Dear God,

I know this week I've mostly been asking for things from you, talking to you in a rush, and reading the Bible on the bus while on the go rather than taking special quiet time with you. Some say that it's better than nothing but for myself I feel that as a Christian leader I can do much better.

Although being on the TTC is a time where I'm focused or at least semi-focused on talking to you or reading the Bible, I don't think that I should rely on those times only because then what if one day I don't take the TTC.

Talking with you like a friend is so much better. I mean, you probably don't enjoy only people asking you for stuff. Not much of a positive relationship there.

God, please forgive me but I still do have one request. I need help planning for children's programs. I want it to be the best for the kids to learn about you and have fun. Thanks God. You are the best.

Martine

SIGH!

My guinea pig just ate part of a wire! It was the headset for my phone's wire. I was holding Fuzzy on my lap and I was looking at the computer, then he started chewing the wire without me noticing because the wire was in my pocket. UGH! Fifteen dollars gone and Fuzzy just ingested metal and plastic. I should have been more careful.

These days I've been horrible at saving money. Yesterday I just bought a bubble tea at STC for 5.59, so expensive. And I spent like 35 dollars on snacks for kids for the end-of-term party at my workplace.

Yes, I like to complain. But originally I wanted to come on this blog to talk about something else.

Now I forgot what I was gonna talk about. How uninspiring!

With Jesus I can Overcome

Thank You God for loving me

My sister showed me a video about Demi Lovato talking about how Love can be Louder than the Pressure to be Perfect. She was born plump but Disney made her go on a diet to stay thin, but now she's off the diet and is willing to accept herself as she is. It helps me because my mom keeps saying I'm getting fat, and the fat that's around my tummy is so hard to get rid of. I just want to be myself.

The video led me to other videos and one of them was this, a song recommended by Demi Lovato to help her get through hard times.



And here's another song she recommended, about beauty coming from the fact that God made us, instead of what others think:

Waiting for Andrew

I don't know if you guys are sick of me blogging about Andrew by now, but I just wanted to say that today I feel happy for some reason, and I feel like I'm willing to wait for Andrew :) even if it takes a while for him to fall in love with me... :)

He told me that he doesn't like anyone at the moment, which is semi-good news for me because that means at least he's not interested in some other girl. :) hehe

I felt better after a nap

Today in the afternoon I took a good long nap. I think I really needed it.

I tend to clench my teeth when I am stressed. I find myself clenching my teeth a lot more these days. Maybe I should've gotten the mouth guard like my dentist said so my teeth don't crack and deteriorate.

I don't think I was ever made for a full-time job. Even working part-time is enough stress for me. I feel like I'm pretty fragile and weak. Even just a bit of stress triggers my period problem. I'm pretty grumpy and annoyed these days because of it. Not very Christ-like at all.