Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.
2 Cor. 6:4-10
----------------------
I have been writing in my Quebec journal the things that I have been learning and experiencing over the past few days. But here now is something that I must blog rather than write in my little journal or post on facebook or send an email about. It's about my new friend Meka.
I don't know for sure what happened, but Gloria's friend Meka from Brampton came to Montreal to get money for her rent. How, I don't know for sure. I don't judge her, but from the moment she got off the bus Gloria and I were worried about her because she was going with a guy she didn't know.
The guy ditched her and she stayed at Tim Hortons for like 6 hours having anxiety attacks. Gloria and I had asked her many times whether she wanted to stay with us at the missionary house instead but she didn't agree to it til like 1am when she was at her wit's end.
I woke up Angela and she was gracious about it and allowed Meka to come sleep with us. But I had to pay for her taxi from Montreal West area all the way to Ile Perrot and with a generous tip I basically paid $110.
This though is a small sacrifice because at least she was safe and at least she would not be harmed and have a place to sleep. I only pray that God would touch her life through all this. She seemed not completely open to share but she shared a bit and I prayed with her before I went to sleep which was like around 3:30am. Right now it is around 7:30am and yes I am lacking major sleep but that's OK.
The Bible verse I put at the beginning shows that suffering for Jesus is worth it. You might not like sleepless nights but if it helps someone then praise the Lord. You might not like beatings but if you are taking the beating for Christ, you will have your reward in heaven (dont worry i didnt get beaten)
You get the idea.
I got the call to full time ministry in March 2006. After I got called, look at all the crap I have been through: bipolar disorder, period problem, breakups, family stuff, etc.
But it was worth it, it made me a stronger person and a more down to earth able to relate to people kind of person. By the way did I tell you I want to write a book about how bipolar disorder was used by God to change my life?
Lord knows, dreams are hard to follow, but don't let anyone tear them away, hold on, there will be tomorrow, in time, you'll find the way... (from Hero by Mariah Carey)
God knows what you are going through. It is not an accident. You may not see the full picture now but later on you will understand. May God guide you through your trials and pain, and may you become better out of it, and not bitter. :)
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
It was God's plan after all...
Dear God,
Thank You for speaking to me today. I am amazed at how You work.
When I first prayed about Christos, You told me that it was part of your plan. Now, I still have doubts that maybe I am still too hyper right now and thinking things that are not true, but for NOW...
I know that this whole fiasco with my parents making me break up with him was part of Your plan...
because after the breakup I realized how much Christos loved me. Unlike other boyfriends, he was not angry at me or my parents, but angry at You for taking me away from him. It shows how much he loved me. He also was friends with me quickly the next day and had no hard feelings. Then we hung out on Friday and we were perfectly fine again like normal friends, even gave me a hug!
What a man that You have placed in my life! He totally respects my decision to break up with him. And I feel like although we have different theologies, we can learn from each other and grow closer to You together. He respects my boundaries and really really cares about me.
We still love each other. We never stopped being friends... and in fact right now we are together again, but not officially dating.
Anyways back to the whole God's plan thing. I believe right now that I was right the first time about dating Christos being part of God's plan. God used the whole fiasco with my parents to show myself what it really means to make my own decisions, and most importantly, repair the relationship between me and my parents. My parents have always been overprotective and my dad always thought I was a rebel.
As a result of this whole fiasco I asked my Chinese prayer support group today at school to pray for my dad because unlike my sister and my mom who forgave me, my dad didn't. So during the prayer time for some reason this song "The Reason" by Hoobastank started playing in my head. The lyrics were exactly how I felt towards my dad.
When I got home after night class, I decided to email a long heartfelt email to my dad. I hope this is the beginning of understanding and hopefully reconciliation. The whole fiasco with Christos and my parents actually showed me that there were many underlying issues that I had to deal with with my dad. Usually on the surface we argue about the towel or the light or other stuff, but underlying is a deep pain that started years and years ago.
I hope that my dad will understand what I meant by the email. I know that the prayers of all my schoolmates is going to help.
I learned a lot today. :)
Thank You God.
In Jesus name Amen.
Thank You for speaking to me today. I am amazed at how You work.
When I first prayed about Christos, You told me that it was part of your plan. Now, I still have doubts that maybe I am still too hyper right now and thinking things that are not true, but for NOW...
I know that this whole fiasco with my parents making me break up with him was part of Your plan...
because after the breakup I realized how much Christos loved me. Unlike other boyfriends, he was not angry at me or my parents, but angry at You for taking me away from him. It shows how much he loved me. He also was friends with me quickly the next day and had no hard feelings. Then we hung out on Friday and we were perfectly fine again like normal friends, even gave me a hug!
What a man that You have placed in my life! He totally respects my decision to break up with him. And I feel like although we have different theologies, we can learn from each other and grow closer to You together. He respects my boundaries and really really cares about me.
We still love each other. We never stopped being friends... and in fact right now we are together again, but not officially dating.
Anyways back to the whole God's plan thing. I believe right now that I was right the first time about dating Christos being part of God's plan. God used the whole fiasco with my parents to show myself what it really means to make my own decisions, and most importantly, repair the relationship between me and my parents. My parents have always been overprotective and my dad always thought I was a rebel.
As a result of this whole fiasco I asked my Chinese prayer support group today at school to pray for my dad because unlike my sister and my mom who forgave me, my dad didn't. So during the prayer time for some reason this song "The Reason" by Hoobastank started playing in my head. The lyrics were exactly how I felt towards my dad.
When I got home after night class, I decided to email a long heartfelt email to my dad. I hope this is the beginning of understanding and hopefully reconciliation. The whole fiasco with Christos and my parents actually showed me that there were many underlying issues that I had to deal with with my dad. Usually on the surface we argue about the towel or the light or other stuff, but underlying is a deep pain that started years and years ago.
I hope that my dad will understand what I meant by the email. I know that the prayers of all my schoolmates is going to help.
I learned a lot today. :)
Thank You God.
In Jesus name Amen.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Heaven's got a plan for you
Dear Me,
Life is full of unexpected changes. Being bipolar even makes it even more unstable. Either you are really happy and excited (even irritated) or you are down. Mood swings and circumstances of life making life unpredictable. But there is one thing that is stable. God is stable.
And I love this song, it says Heaven has got a plan for you. The twists and turns of life just make life more meaningful. God uses pain to mold us, shape us, teach us. Although pain is not desirable but it is one of the best teachers.
My life is much more crazy than many other people's lives. Like, look at all the romantic relationships I have had that were crazy. But that just enrichens my testimony. I can have more experiences to share with others who go through similar experiences and help them or at least, relate to them.
If I was a perfect person, if I had no problems... I would be a boring person. I would not know how to love so deep or care so deep. I can know God more as a result of my pain. Thank God for my pain! Thank God for my handicap!
Praise be to God, He always has a plan for us.
Love, Martine
P.S. I will love you until you learn to love yourself, Martine.
----
The reason why pain is such a great teacher is that pain won't let you forget. If you are going through a time of pain, rest assured that you are about to learn an important lesson that will stay with you the rest of your life. Our choice: we can either let it make us bitter, or better.
--from my previous church's senior pastor, who went through depression
-----
Life is full of unexpected changes. Being bipolar even makes it even more unstable. Either you are really happy and excited (even irritated) or you are down. Mood swings and circumstances of life making life unpredictable. But there is one thing that is stable. God is stable.
And I love this song, it says Heaven has got a plan for you. The twists and turns of life just make life more meaningful. God uses pain to mold us, shape us, teach us. Although pain is not desirable but it is one of the best teachers.
My life is much more crazy than many other people's lives. Like, look at all the romantic relationships I have had that were crazy. But that just enrichens my testimony. I can have more experiences to share with others who go through similar experiences and help them or at least, relate to them.
If I was a perfect person, if I had no problems... I would be a boring person. I would not know how to love so deep or care so deep. I can know God more as a result of my pain. Thank God for my pain! Thank God for my handicap!
Praise be to God, He always has a plan for us.
Love, Martine
P.S. I will love you until you learn to love yourself, Martine.
----
The reason why pain is such a great teacher is that pain won't let you forget. If you are going through a time of pain, rest assured that you are about to learn an important lesson that will stay with you the rest of your life. Our choice: we can either let it make us bitter, or better.
--from my previous church's senior pastor, who went through depression
-----
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Good verse
But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me,
I will come forth as gold. My feet have closely followed his steps; I
have kept to his way without turning aside.
Job 23:10-11
Job 23:10-11
Friday, March 1, 2013
Things I'm looking forward to
-seeing him (you can probably guess who this is)
-visiting Notre Dame and Oratoire de St. Joseph in Montreal
-skating in Montreal, if i can rent skates
-moving out in Sept and becoming independent
-getting my G2
-getting back into painting and drawing again
-outreach with Chester Le (hopefully build a team)
-getting a black attitude
-becoming hyper once again but this time controlling it
-writing a book about my bipolar disorder and how God taught me a lot through it
-swimming, going to the beach
-getting another tattoo, the one i originally wanted
-getting free money from the government
-being confident in myself
-visiting Notre Dame and Oratoire de St. Joseph in Montreal
-skating in Montreal, if i can rent skates
-moving out in Sept and becoming independent
-getting my G2
-getting back into painting and drawing again
-outreach with Chester Le (hopefully build a team)
-getting a black attitude
-becoming hyper once again but this time controlling it
-writing a book about my bipolar disorder and how God taught me a lot through it
-swimming, going to the beach
-getting another tattoo, the one i originally wanted
-getting free money from the government
-being confident in myself
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