Cheerful

Today was a rather cheerful day. Thanks to God, my friends at camp, and a dragonfly passing by yesterday right before I went to sleep. Teehee.

Ying told me I can't be a robot like I was the past few days. I seriously didn't want to stop being a robot at least till next Saturday but everything hit me last night and the robot became Martine again. I finally figured out what that empty feeling was. It was not guilt. It was the big humongous space that my best friend used to be in my heart. I cried it out and was really desperate. I even looked out the street and imagined my best friend looking up at me or saying goodbye as he dropped me off at home. I considered looking at the moon so that we would at least be connected by the moon but it was so cheesy I just stayed in bed.

Eventually I got over it by a miraculous way of transcendence of space. Don't ask me why I am speaking this way. I am not crazy, just smart. Anyhow, now I have a question to answer and I don't know what to think of it. I hate how hormones, bipolar, and rents get in the way of decisions and feelings. I hate mixed signs in my head. Anyhow, I hope this waiting time will be a molding time, and that we can grow to be more mature, Christ-like, healthy, and confident.

Very applicable bible passage... for me anyways...

Psalm 119

' Aleph

¹ Blessed are they whose ways are blameless,
who walk according to the law of the LORD.

² Blessed are they who keep his statutes
and seek him with all their heart.

³ They do nothing wrong;
they walk in his ways.

⁴ You have laid down precepts
that are to be fully obeyed.

⁵ Oh, that my ways were steadfast
in obeying your decrees!

⁶ Then I would not be put to shame
when I consider all your commands.

⁷ I will praise you with an upright heart
as I learn your righteous laws.

⁸ I will obey your decrees;
do not utterly forsake me.

b Beth

⁹ How can a young man keep his way pure?
By living according to your word.

¹⁰ I seek you with all my heart;
do not let me stray from your commands.

¹¹ I have hidden your word in my heart
that I might not sin against you.

¹² Praise be to you, O LORD;
teach me your decrees.

¹³ With my lips I recount
all the laws that come from your mouth.

¹⁴ I rejoice in following your statutes
as one rejoices in great riches.

¹⁵ I meditate on your precepts
and consider your ways.

¹⁶ I delight in your decrees;
I will not neglect your word.

g Gimel

¹⁷ Do good to your servant, and I will live;
I will obey your word.

¹⁸ Open my eyes that I may see
wonderful things in your law.

¹⁹ I am a stranger on earth;
do not hide your commands from me.

²⁰ My soul is consumed with longing
for your laws at all times.

²¹ You rebuke the arrogant, who are cursed
and who stray from your commands.

²² Remove from me scorn and contempt,
for I keep your statutes.

²³ Though rulers sit together and slander me,
your servant will meditate on your decrees.

²⁴ Your statutes are my delight;
they are my counselors.

d Daleth

²⁵ I am laid low in the dust;
preserve my life according to your word.

²⁶ I recounted my ways and you answered me;
teach me your decrees.

²⁷ Let me understand the teaching of your precepts;
then I will meditate on your wonders.

²⁸ My soul is weary with sorrow;
strengthen me according to your word.

²⁹ Keep me from deceitful ways;
be gracious to me through your law.

³⁰ I have chosen the way of truth;
I have set my heart on your laws.

³¹ I hold fast to your statutes, O LORD;
do not let me be put to shame.

³² I run in the path of your commands,
for you have set my heart free.

h He

³³ Teach me, O LORD, to follow your decrees;
then I will keep them to the end.

³⁴ Give me understanding, and I will keep your law
and obey it with all my heart.

³⁵ Direct me in the path of your commands,
for there I find delight.

³⁶ Turn my heart toward your statutes
and not toward selfish gain.

³⁷ Turn my eyes away from worthless things;
preserve my life according to your word.

³⁸ Fulfill your promise to your servant,
so that you may be feared.

³⁹ Take away the disgrace I dread,
for your laws are good.

⁴⁰ How I long for your precepts!
Preserve my life in your righteousness.

A new home

Today I walked through the halls of my new home. Some familiar faces, and some completely new. I don't think it has hit me yet that I will not see my old home for a long, long time. I wondered about financial support for school, but honestly, I shouldn't be worrying about it right now.

I helped with the gr. 1's and 2's today. They were cute and made me smile a lot. I even helped lead worship for all the kids, cuz some of the volunteers lost their voices. The children are very quiet, but they all stood up for the songs.

I went out to lunch with a couple people. I never used to go out to lunch with people at my old church, not much anyway. I was a bit afraid or embarrassed, I wasn't sure if things worked the same as my old home. But turns out mostly it was similar.

I'm going to join a new fellowship. I wonder how it will be like. I heard they have life groups where university/college ppl are mixed in with young adults in career stages of life.

I shared with Vanessa briefly why I changed churches. She is actually really nice. She said she could relate to what I was going through. I also asked her advice about how to handle teens at camp. My new family is quite welcoming, and fun. I'm gonna get to see Penelope again.

Thank you, God, for taking care of me.