Why do I cause so much trouble for myself????

:-( Sometimes I wish that I never posted some stuff on my blog. I like to update people on my life, express my feelings, and stuff, but sometimes it just ends up coming back to slap me in the face. I am talking about when I mention things in my life at home.

Let me clear some things up:

My mom is hardworking, beautiful, cooks for us a lot, and sometimes humourous. But when I write on my blog, it is often because I am having some fights with her or something, so people might make a judgment and say this or that. I can understand, because yeah, I don't praise her enough. At the same time, life at home can be very hard, and I am not going to censor any feelings that I have just for the sake of people's reputation. I think that you as the reader should be wise when you read my blog, to remember that this is only one perspective and that no one should judge anyone on the basis of what one said. You need to get to know the person before you make judgments. I learned that the hard way.

I am not saying this because I am angry. I am saying this because I feel like telling you just so that people don't judge my mom based on my issues. My mom has done a lot for me, but we just have different worldviews and life values. We have a different culture, as psychologists would say. She is more leaning on the collectivistic, authoritarian viewpoint, and I am more leaning on the individualistic/with some collectivistic, authoritative viewpoint. She comes from a traditional Chinese background and values protection of female offspring and making sure the family image (including herself) is nice and respectable. I come from a very liberal Canadian Chinese background, and values freedom of expression (I don't care if the whole world knows my problems).

The problem is with freedom of expression is that sometimes when you share about your personal life, other people's lives are intertwined and you sometimes have to censor stuff just for the sake of someone else's dignity. And so I think from now on I will try to be a bit more conservative in my freedom of expression when I talk about my family. Otherwise, it will hit me back in the face again.

One day when I become a pastor I guess I will have to censor my family issues in some way too, except to trusted people. I won't be blasting off blog posts like I am now. I am not saying that a pastor should hide their problems. I will show you all my problems if you want, just don't ask about my family cuz my family will be hurt by that.

Another thing I have to clear up:

My bipolar disorder is not caused by my family. Same with anxiety disorder. I got anxiety disorder from a combination of other crap. HAHA I am being secretive. But ultimately, God used my anxiety disorder as a way to understand others better and help them. The bipolar disorder I am not sure why I have it, but I guess I was just born with it and stress just made it worse. But I am sure that with this new medication I am taking, I will be just fine and I will be normal again... or so I think.

I have been sleeping less than usual, although I do feel rested. I am just worried that I will end up not sleeping one day, and get mania again. But right now I am not sleeping as much because I feel fine and not sleepy, not because of mania. I am sure of that. Anyway, I am fine. I just need to make sure I read before bed, because if I don't I will not be sleepy.

Hope this clears up any misunderstanding. I am gonna delete certain stuff off my blog now (sorry).

My Christmas Prayer (and Nick Jonas' as well, I think)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jm99HZVpj_E



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7zRtLptyc4

I'll be home for Christmas (lyrics)

I'm dreamin' tonight of a place I love
Even more then I usually do
And although I know it's a long road back
I promise you

I'll be home for Christmas
You can count on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents under the tree
Christmas Eve will find me
Where the love light beams
I'll be home for Christmas
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After some talks and some prayer time, I have decided not to move out till I get married. And after inviting my family out to a Family Appreciation Dinner last Saturday, things are a lot better. Me and my sis worked out the problems and me and my mom are chatting well together. We ate lobster at "Best Friends Restaurant", it was quite cheap and I love the restaurant name. You get 2 small lobsters for 12.99 if you buy 25 dollars worth of other main dishes before tax.

Anyway, I went Chrristmas shopping yesterday (almost said "Christian shopping" and actually it is quite Christian, the shopping I did) and finished everything in one day. :D I am so proud of myself! Most of the stuff I ordered online (stuff where you donate to charity and they give u a free card in honour of your friend), and also a bunch of stuff from Scarborough Town Centre. I say it is Christian shopping because I am not wasting stuff, not buying useless gifts, only things that are worth it.

The funny thing is that I originally budgeted 75 dollars for Christmas gifts, but now I'm at maybe 200 dollars... :P or at least 150.

But I am very proud of myself! :D I bought Jesus Manga, and now Adrian has a new study Bible! And some other fun stuff for him and other people!

I look at it this way... I still have a lot of money left over from this year, cuz I got 3 scholarships (I expected only one) but yeah! :D

Best website ever to stop child labour!

This website gives you ratings for stores and companies, to let you know which are good (don't use child labour) and which are bad (they use a lot of child labour). I noticed that GAP is generally pretty good, and Walmart and Sketchers are really bad... anyways check it out!

http://www.free2work.org/home

Damn book! LOL

I wanted to mention this earlier but I forgot... but it's really funny!

I was shelving books in the library and suddenly one book dropped out and stabbed me in the stomach. It actually hurt!!!

Guess what the book was about?
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Violence against women! I couldn't believe it!

seeing Grace Alujo

I didn't tell a lot of people but I started sponsoring a child named Grace Alujo, who lives in Uganda. She is five years old, very cute. I was thinking of visiting her one day, when she grows up, to see how she's doing in school and all. After all, you all know that one of my dreams is to visit poor areas in Africa and help in some small way.

But my mom pointed out something I didn't think of, today. Today is the first day I am taking my new medication for bipolar disorder. It is called lithium (yeah, the one on the periodic table). It will dehydrate me so I gotta drink at least 2 litres of water a day. Now if I go to Uganda, it will be right on the Equator, so I will dehydrate double fast. So... I don't know... if I will ever see Grace in this lifetime. Maybe I will see her in heaven. It would be a nice reunion.

In any case, I'm gonna send her a Christmas card once I find a picture of myself and a nice card to send to her. I hope her Christmas in Uganda will be a good one this year. It must be hard to live in a place where kids can get kidnapped anytime by the Lord's Resistance Army (don't be fooled by the name, they are not Christian. They are led by a crazy guy... I'm serious, he is crazy, named Joseph Kony) and tortured, made into child soldiers at young ages.

I took my first pill just about half an hour ago, don't feel any different yet. I'm glad I went to see the dance competition today, it was really fun and made my day... otherwise it would be a boring day.
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If any of you read my post that I deleted, I wanna say that I still really love SCSU. The people are fun, and of course, we are all human and we all make mistakes. But deep down, we all just want to have fun and live a fulfilling life... and we all do things differently. Everybody has their positive sides and bad sides, and all in all, I still think SCSU is great. And there may be some changes to make it improve, but I shouldn't really complain overall, because I got to know a lot of people who are good at making a difference.

I look forward to the upcoming semester... it'll be fun... Winter Carnival!!! YAY!!!
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I don't think I can drive until next year... I'm gonna be drowsy from this medication, so it's not safe. I think I will be fine though, overall... cuz God takes care of me every day. Whatever happens, it's for the best, just like Imran said :D

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Special shout out: Pags worked really hard on prepping the AGM stuff. I just wanna thank him in front of every reader here. :-) Don't worry Pags, we love you and your work has not been in vain. We will have an AGM again soon. And we will have more people!!!

Apologies for the last post

I am very sorry, I wasn't thinking properly when I was writing the last post so I deleted it. Sorry if I offended anyone, it wasn't appropriate.

Sincerely,

Martine